Looking for love? Tried the dictionary?
Matchmaker: ˈmaCHˌmākər matchmaker, noun; a person who arranges relationships and marriages between others, either informally or, in certain cultural communities, as a formal occupation.
I hate to break it to you, but unless you’re lucky enough to come from one of those “certain cultural communities” mentioned above, the chance of you stumbling upon a professional matchmaker is about even with me waking up tomorrow morning with no wrinkles: slim to none. But for you – all is not lost -there is still hope! Who says you need a professional? Got kids? Nieces? Nephews? Friends with kids?!?
Whether you already have them, want them or don’t, observing how a woman interacts with children will reveal a lot about her, and conversely — as most women have a natural maternal instinct — she is guaranteed to notice how you interact with them, allowing her that self-same insight as to the kind of man you are. If she sees that you are patient and kind with them, then chances are you’ll treat her the same way.
Think back to a time when a woman’s interaction with a child made an impression upon you. For me, I can instantly recall watching a huge, skunk root blonde in booty shorts and a tube top screaming and slapping at her little tiny toddler because the baby wouldn’t stop crying. I instantly whipped around looking for someone bigger than me to beat her like a wicked stepchild. What would you have done? Applauded her for the ‘discipline’ or told me to mind my own business? FYI: if you had been there and beat her up and I was 30 20 years younger? I would’ve slipped you my number. The point is: if you are great with kids, great women will notice.
So where to begin? On many, many occasions, the road to true love has begun on the sidelines at a pee-wee soccer game or backstage at a little person’s ballet recital. Would Hollywood keep churning out movies like The Parent Trap, Three Men and a Baby or Yours, Mine and Ours if the little guys weren’t such amazing romance fairies? Kids are natural matchmakers because they haven’t been hit with all those hard knocks to the heart; haven’t built those weird emotional barriers and boundaries us world-hardened adults have. They haven’t been stood up for their junior prom yet or been jilted. They ooze openness and honesty. So, Borat, they can get away with saying stuff that would get you slapped if you said it. And never forget that they are notorious for saying the darndest things. Cupid’s arrow, for instance, has been launched by a sweet little face saying something like:
“‘My daddy thinks your mommy has really AMAZING cucamongas’.
Women will forgive, heck, even be charmed when your precious princess decides it would be a good thing to share something she just happened to overhear on a cell call between you and your BF. Let that serve as a huge reminder that a kid will say anything at anytime and Murphy’s Law says it is usually the wrong time. So unless you want your new lady love to find out that you think her butt is just a bit too big, be careful what, when and where you say it.
In all seriousness, the one thing you should never, ever do is coach a child into acting the part of wingman. Depending on how old they are, it’ll turn out one of two ways: a younger one will flub the lines you thought were so smooth while an older kid reveals their personal shame and embarrassment with rolled up eyes. And you end up looking like jerk to her and your kids. Besides, didn’t you stop using a go-between back in the 7th grade?
There is another side to this romantic tale – one where ‘happily ever after’ may not stand a chance. Let’s say you’ve met a beautiful, amazing new woman. The chemistry is unbelievable! There’s just one small problem: a small person who thinks all that chemistry is nothing but poison. Hollywood has earned big bucks with that plot line, too, but in real life the situation is no comedy. Maybe its a self-preservation tool but children seem to come straight from the factory with an ability to sense things in adults that we often times overlook. You’re seeing a Nanny McFee while they saying she’s Maleficent. Best advice? Don’t ignore their concerns. Listen to them, talk it over. Maybe its just a misunderstanding or concerns about where they stand in your new relationship. Then again, they don’t call her a wicked step-mother for nothing.
Bottom line is you have another tool in your dating arsenal as long as you remember how incredibly rare and precious that tool is.
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