When is your marriage too far gone to save? Only you know for sure. But if there’s still some fight left in you, and you’re willing to put in the energy, there are ways to reestablish a connection with your partner. It’s not an easy undertaking, not by a long shot! But if you’re committed to the idea of regaining and saving your marriage, it can be done!
Your marriage, like so many things that often feel beyond your control, really are a matter of simple choice. Every second you spend with your spouse is the result of a decision you made to do so. If you really believed your marriage was damaged beyond repair, you’d leave, right? By staying, you’re sending a message.
Saving Your Marriage With These 6 Top Tips
If you’re ready to put in the work, these following tips will get you that, the revitalized, connected partnership you’re after — towards saving your marriage.
1. The first step involves you being brutally honest with yourself.
Forget your good intentions, the promises and hurts of the past. Look at your partner and try to see her as she once was, the person you fell head over heels for. Remember that you once found her irresistible. Then, remember why you did.
Now, see her for who she is today. She’s changed. No doubt, so have you. Can you dedicate you affections to her today, right now, to the woman she is? Are her characteristics and personality quirks something you enjoy about her?
Small things are just that, insignificant. But if your spouse, for example, has developed a nightly drinking habit, and you don’t feel she’s holding up her end of the bargain, it may be time to decide that your paths are no longer compatible.
Then again, you might just decide that such behavior patterns are likely a passing phase, and with some concrete communication, the trajectory of your marriage could sustain real and meaningful change.
Only you can decide for certain, but do so with your eyes wide open. Don’t sugar coat the answers to these key questions. Use them to design a plan of action.
- Are you still in love with her?
- If the answer is yes, what can you do to rekindle the passion between you two?
- If it’s no, is there anything you can do to reignite old feelings?
2. Step Two is all about letting go of whatever drove you apart in the first place.
Picking at old scars and bringing up the past serves nobody. Consider it poison. It’ll kill your relationship if you let it. Forgive, instead. The age old adage of “forgive but won’t forget” cannot apply here. You don’t have to be blind to bad behavior, but agree to start over. Wipe the slate clean.
3. You’ll learn to interpret your partner’s communication signals as part of Step Three.
If you can tell from the beginning of a conversation that your parter is closed off to resolutions, engage her at a different time. Or, perhaps you’ll want to change up your approach.
4. Watch your expectations in Step Four.
You can’t will a wound to heal. And you can’t want it more than she does. Learn to let go. Try not to take things personally and realize that people very seldom act out of motivations having anything to do with you.
That’s true ever with your significant other. Embrace this journey as a learning experience where you will grow and thrive no matter the ultimate outcome of your parter’s attitude.
5. Number Five? Deal with your own emotional baggage.
Do you have mommy issues? Daddy issues?
Dealing with a sense of abandonment (especially if it sabotaged your relationship) is a must. Do what you have to do to heal. If that means individual weekly counseling sessions for a year, so be it. Commit to it. It’ll be worth it in the end.
6. And finally, make your self a priority!
It’s hard to try and reconnect with someone when you aren’t even certain of who you are. It’s almost impossible! So, be good to yourself.
Take care of your mental, physical and spiritual health. You can only move into a healthier stage of your relationship if you’re not allowing a lack of self-esteem, addition to stress, or a martyr complex to sabotage your health.
Do things that make you feel good and free your soul. Do them without guilt.
Taking care of your self puts you on the steady track to healing your marriage.
Did your marriage survive a near-end? Tell us how you fixed it and put your life back on track in the comments!