Convince Your Spouse To Save Your Marriage

How to Stop Focusing on the Problems and Focus on Solutions

Love is a two-way street and you won’t go very far traveling solo. But when it comes to convincing your spouse and yourself to save your marriage, there are ways you can get things going in the right direction. To begin making strides toward reconciliation start with transforming yourself and leading by example.

Odds are you’ve talked about the problems in the marriage until you’re bluer in the face than Grouchy Smurf—at this point words have lost their power to help and heal.

Action is how you will communicate your commitment to make this relationship rock solid again. Words can be said in the heat of the moment or in a state of wishful thinking, but actions speak truth. If you take the initiative then your partner will see your resolve, your faith that things can get better and your ability to make lasting changes.

Taking these three steps can lay down the foundation for regained trust in the union you share.

1. Focus on the Solution and Not the Problem 

You’ve been unhappy for a while now and you’ve been expressing your unhappiness with complaining, sulking, and withdrawing.  Instead of making things better, it has only widened the crevice separating you and your spouse into a Grand Canyon sized fissure.

In order to reverse the trend, set a new rule:

No complaining without offering a solution.

This will turn hopeless problems into manageable challenges. Once you switch the focus from how the problem is ruining your relationship to how to improve the situation you are empowering yourself to be back in control of getting closer instead of watching helplessly as you drift farther apart.

2. Reignite the spark with spontaneity.

Save your marriage by remembering why you got married in the first place. You got married because, at one time, you made one another feel safe and loved. But if you think back to when you were dating, there was lots of uncertainty, and that was exciting.

You didn’t know if she liked you back, and if so, how much. You wondered how long you should wait to call her back when she didn’t pick up so you wouldn’t seem too eager. You worried how to strike the perfect balance between seeming interested but not too needy.

While it was comforting when you could let down the pretense and just be yourself with your spouse, long-term predictability and reliability can erode spontaneity, excitement, and sexual energy.

To keep your marriage alive you have to maintain the effort to surprise your spouse sometimes, to still be that man that can set butterflies aflutter in her stomach.

Surprise her with a gift certificate to a massage, dinner at her favorite spot or a night away where you two can let the day to day stress of life dissolve and focus only on one another. Show her there’s still plenty of magic worth saving.

3. Work on your own happiness. 

A healthy, confident, upbeat man is irresistible.

You don’t need to be Justin Timberlake to have the swag that makes the ladies swoon, but a man who is comfortable with himself and seems like he has a lot going on in his life is attractive and intriguing.

The flip side of the coin is that a depressed, angry, self-doubting and self-pitying man is strong woman repellent. There’s no doubt that a failing marriage can make you neglect your health and embroil you in negativity and frustration, but fight the urge to indulge these tendencies.

Climb out of this trap of mental and physical toxicity by shifting focus from your disappointment about your life to the things that make you feel fulfilled, bring you joy and satisfaction.

If your kids are the part of the marriage that puts a fat smile on your face every day then take them on a weekend trip to the beach or head to the mountains for a day hiking trip. You’ll return in a great mood from the fresh air, some heart-healthy activity and bonding time with the offspring.

Maybe you’ve stopped hitting the gym or meeting up with the guys to shoot some hoops— get back in the game. It could be you traded your weekly run for getting bombed drinking beer on the couch to drown your miser; put down the brew and get back outside.

When your spouse starts to notice the healthier, happier you that is fun to be around because instead of being quick to yell or contradict you’re fast on the draw with a smile or laugh, you will transform into that sexy man who swept her off her heels.

Final Thoughts

A disintegrating marriage leads so many men into a spiral of hopelessness. But the best way to regain a sense of empowerment over your life, and save your marriage, is to be pro-active in making yourself a more desirable partner and a happier person.

In the worst case scenario, you are healthier and more content with yourself —that alone is worth the effort. And if everything works out the way you intend, you are back on track, making strides toward an improved relationship. 

Want more advice for saving your marriage? Click here for some unexpected ways to hang on to your relationship. 

Was your marriage headed for divorce and you turned it around? Tell us how in the comments section!

Related Posts

  • No doubt you’ve heard countless advice about how to avoid divorce and save your struggling marriage. Your parents, the in-laws, friends, church members, everybody has an opinion—and most of the well-meaning nuggets of unsolicited wisdom contradict one another. You are left more confused than ever on how to find a…
  • Men, it doesn’t require a great deal of effort to find a reason to bail on our marriages. When the relationship is rocky, It takes hard work to save your marriage. There will be tough times. In fact, there will be downright miserable, overwhelming, terrible times. In any relationship, there…
  • The way I see it, you have two choices when it comes to avoiding divorce altogether. The first is pretty darn obvious, you don't get married. If you don't marry, you technically don't divorce. At least, that's how most guys look at it. The second is to do that working-at-your-marriage thing…