Relationship Death

Resurrecting Yourself in the Age of Technology


I can’t see shit.

Literally. The moment I take out my contacts I’m operating purely by The Force. I can’t imagine what life would be like if I’d been born in another time. Surely I’d have been a liability to my tribe. Would it have been days, hours or just minutes that I’d lasted, weeding the garden, schlepping water from the well, before the saber-toothed tiger ended it all?

And my bloody demise would have relieved my tribe, whistling and looking the other way as I disappeared into the brush. One less mouth to feed that couldn’t pull her weight in weed removal or even master the ancient art of beverage serving.

So truly I am beyond grateful for technology. But to go beyond grateful, sit back and think. Think how truly fortunate we are to be alive at this particular point in history. From time immemorial to the present day, through floods and plagues of Biblical proportions, you have the cosmic luck to be alive in the age of the selfie.

But isn’t this supposed to be about relationships?


So let’s say, hypothetically, that you just came skidding to a fiery, smoky halt after your last relationship. You may be feeling like a failure, but are you, really? Sure, you may need to take a moment and collect yourself.  To take stock of what went wrong. To assess the role you played in your relationship’s demise. But have you truly failed?

Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.

Winston Churchill

Be wary of labeling yourself a failure when performing an autopsy on your relationship. So you’re divorced, but is it really the end of days? Did you survive the heartbreaking effects of an affair? You feel as though your heart stopped – but did it? How will you transform your negative experience into a happy ending in your next relationship? I’ll tell you how, by choosing the shortest distance between two points. By being wholeheartedly honest with yourself. By being raw.

At this point, the only technology you’ll need is a pencil and paper. Take a moment and purge. List your faults. List hers. List what you loved. List what you would never want to repeat. Pour it all out until you feel like you’re grasping at straws, then write more. Why? Because you have within you the courage to continue.

If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice. ― Rush

Continuing means you must realize that you have made that choice. The choice is to take with you the lessons you want and leave behind those you don’t. It’s painful work, looking at yourself and the part you played. But it’s worth it. In order to continue, you must progress. The only way to progress is to learn. Seems simple enough when in school.  Learn the lesson, take the test, advance to the next grade. It’s not so obvious when your heart is burnt to a crisp and looking at what caused the wound hardly seems cathartic.

In his best-selling book Think and Grow Rich, Napoleon Hill tells the story of a man who, overcome by a sense of defeat, sold his claim and all of his mining equipment. He up and quit. Hopped the train and went home. Turns out, he was a mere three feet from gold. Three feet from realizing his dream of wealth, success and achievement.

So while the listing of your faults, and hers, and the things you loved and would never repeat about your now-deceased relationship may seem laboriously unpleasant — do the work. You’re clearing away the failings in search of the true nuggets of wisdom. What seems tedious at the moment is far simpler than carrying excess weight onto your next relationship. And as difficult as that may seem at the moment, you will have one. Before you pack up and hop the train hope, realize that you are likely three feet from relationship gold.

To err is human, to forgive, divine. ― Alexander Pope

Let it go, the weight from your mistakes – and hers. It’s too much to carry. Tell yourself that you both did your best with what you brought to the table. Then let it be. Repeat as many times as necessary until you believe it. And let it be. Take stock in the fact that in your next relationship you will do better, because you’ll know better. And let it be. Forgiveness is a release for all parties involved.

Take your list. One last time. Take everything except for what you think will be useful in your next relationship. And burn it. The paper. The pencil. The desk you wrote it on. Take with you only that which suits you. It’s your life and you get to decide both your attitude and how you would like to live it.

Shake it off.  ― Taylor Swift

So get up, soldier. You’re not standing, blind, in some potato field in the Dark Ages. The only tiger that could possibly take you out of the game right now is the one reading this article. Look at everything at your fingertips!

Been out of the dating scene for a while? No worries! There’s an app for that. Mortified about what to say, where to go or how to make her toes curl? Google it. Considering a new haircut? Try it on, virtually. Want a new jacket? Schedule a noon drone drop. Want to date an older woman this time? Slide the bar and peruse your search options.

I’m telling you. We’re living at the golden intersection of possibility, connectivity and technology. I can see that without my contacts in. You have choices, so try something new. You may find you’re three feet from gold, while sitting in the bathroom stall at work. Just make sure you choose the right direction.

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