Guyvorce’s community of single dads is growing at an explosive pace. Struggling single fathers share their divorce stories with us all the time. It’s what we’re here for, Guyvorce exists in the first place.
Without a network of supportive like-minded individuals behind them, single fathers get knocked around to the point that they can’t take it anymore. We know. All of us at Guyvorce have been through it. And we consider being a part of your supportive network a privilege.
We get emails and messages over social media platforms and from all over the country from men sharing their personal stories. Consistent within these stories is a theme of injustice. A few examples of these common fouls include:
- Exes failing to meet their directed visitation requirements
- Completely ignored visitation rights
- Poisoning of your relationships with your children by your ex
- Ridiculously unfair child support and alimony obligations
- Unthinkable property division orders
- Excessively lengthy and expensive redress routes through the court system that are very often ineffective
As the head of Guyvorce’s Social Media Department, I get a chance to interact with divorced guys from all walks of life. Their personal stories about struggling to be there, front and center for their kids linger with me always.
And while I’ve shared some of my struggles as a solo father, I haven’t yet told my story. That’s about to change.
Over the past year, I’ve enjoyed a tremendous opportunity writing for Guyvorce. If you asked me just over five years ago where I thought I’d be or what I’d be doing today, writing for a divorce site for men would not have made the list.
Life throws you curve balls.
I’m a career pilot for the US Navy. I met my ex-wife while I was in flight school. We traveled the globe together, making lots of friends along the way. Fourteen years and three kids later, we headed home, stateside.
Twenty-one days into a month-long training course, she called me out of the blue. It’s the call far too many of us have received. She was done with me. It was over. All I knew was turned upside down. My life’s formation ended that day. I was flying solo.
In the weeks that followed, I learned from other men who had been through it. We compared stories and found similarities. At my initial consult, my military-assigned attorney sat me down and took the last puffs of remaining wind out from under my wings.
She was the stay-at-home mom. I was the working Dad. Nevermind the nightly homework I did. Nevermind the grocery runs, the meals, the activities. Nevermind that we parented in shifts, and I ran the household from the moment I arrived home after a solid day’s work until bedtime. None of that mattered. I was just supposed to accept the fact that I would see my kids, my flesh and blood one to two weekends per month, a little at Christmas and during the summer.
Today I happily sit on the other side. My kids are thriving and my life is great. But I didn’t get from there to here without spending time and money on resources. Every step I took was uphill. It hurt.
There aren’t enough places dads can go to get information. During divorce, we’re on our own. The Internet and store bookshelves are both jam-packed with empowering resources and strategies to help women through it. But we guys, we’re on our own.
Our culture, which emphasizes a man’s need to fix himself, cowboy up, rub some dirt in it, and move on, has forced us, as men, to suffer privately.
How Solo Fathers Came to Be
What started out as notes and collections of ideas and experiences grew into the Solo Fathers book series. I pooled everything I learned from my divorce into a single set of resources for dads like us. I wrote it as a payback and dedication to my own network of friends who helped me through it.
I aim to help other guys who are just starting down the sick, twisted path that I’ve already walked down by guiding them around the pitfalls many of us found first.
The problem with writing a book about divorce is that it isn’t something you write once and then sell millions of copies of it. Laws change. New strategies emerge all the time to help us adapt and work within the barriers of those new laws. What we need is a resource that’s globally accessible and can easily be updated when needed. Enter Guyvorce!
The Ultimate Source for Divorce Advice for Men
I jumped in head-first when the opportunity to work with Guyvorce! Guyvorce’s mission and my own aligned perfectly and provided the dynamic and flexible tools men need to get them through the divorce while also addressing their needs after it. The site connects divorce related news, studies, and calls for reform straight to the men who need it.
At Guyvorce, we take on the job of collecting stories and calls to action to bring media attention to issues. Policies won’t change overnight. But our team works hard to bring attention to the broken system.
Numerous fathers throughout our nation go YEARS denied of their rights to see their children. Often it’s under the umbrella of court directives. And that’s despite the mountain of evidence (let alone common sense understanding) proving that kids do better and grow better to be better mothers and fathers themselves when they have both of their parents involved in their upbringing.
That’s what’s so upsetting about things like child support! Men barely making a sustainable wage end up owing a huge chunk of their earnings to their ex who then isolates the father who is paying to support his kids in the first place! And for every story I hear like this, there are a thousand more hidden by noise.
You have a choice to make. We can complain to each other, suffering almost silently, or you can get your story heard. We’re here, and we’re not going anywhere. In fact, we’re growing!
Give us your stories, the details, so we can get these issues voiced! Send ’em on in at any time! Email me at [email protected], comment on our social media posts, messaging via social media, or send a raven to us from Winterfell! However you get it here, just get it here.
Leave your comments! Answer our surveys! Get involved!
Nothing we do will change the past, but your sons will grow up to be men. Do it for them. They’ll likely join the 1.4 million other men who divorce every year. Do you want them to walk through the same landmine-laden path you did? I did?
If so, stop reading. Unsubscribe. Honestly, we don’t need folks like you.
Everyone else, those of you who have a pair and want to arm the next generation, get involved. I’ll keep an eye out for your story.