I get about three responses a week from my online dating profiles. While this may not sound like much, I have been meeting women online for nearing two decades now, so it adds up to a tremendous number of “suitable” matches. Mind you, these are not women I have pursued; these are women who have decided to take a chance and say hello to me in hopes I will respond. All I did was put up a few profiles on free dating sites.

The result from my online dating efforts? More than a few dozen dates with women and four relationships lasting over a year. So, while I may remain hopelessly single, it certainly isn’t that I can’t get women interested in me. (Obviously, I just can’t keep them interested. Alas.) I’ve learned that online dating success boils down to some pretty simple things.

The 3 Online Dating Keys That Will Bring Women to You

  1. Good Pictures. Women want to know what you look like (and not down there, contrary to some persistent male Neanderthal members of our tribe). Show them. Don’t take stupid selfies, though; take the time to find pictures of yourself actually out enjoying life. Pay attention to the image you portray. That first look at you can make or break her decision to trust you. Nothing is going to turn a woman off faster than a picture of you smoking in your wife beater or making an ass of yourself with your friends.

Still, you can’t go overboard with pictures of you at suit and tie events if that really isn’t your bag. Try to mix it up a little. Always put up at least four to six, and I would honestly recommend even more. Just make sure they are mostly current, and do your best not to promote images that really don’t accurately reflect your lifestyle.

If you took a vacation once three years ago, don’t make every picture be from that one time you went ballooning or snorkeling. It looks fake. Women want to see some authenticity, without your being crass or juvenile. You can do that, right?

  1. Authenticity. I said it about the photos and it really stands true for everything in your profile. Think of it as doing a favor to your prospective mate. After all, you don’t want to discover that her “two story bungalow” really means she sleeps in the attic above a convenience store. Ok, sure, we don’t want to come right out with our flaws, but I can assure you that working to be deceptive in your profile will only make attracting equally deceptive people more likely (or maybe that’s your bag. OK, lie away, but don’t say you weren’t warned). No, what really works over time is to just be yourself, clichéd as it is. Be honest, don’t candycoat it all. If you have a kid, say so. If you’re a homebody, don’t talk about how you love clubbing. If you’re fresh from a divorce, don’t be afraid to say that you haven’t been in the dating pool for some time.
  2. Stay Positive. No one gives a damn about your drama. Showing even the slightest sign of drama in your profile is going to cause women to click away faster than cute kittens chase laser lights. While you may have drama in your life, don’t make your profile about anything negative in your life, or be sure to express any negativity as just part of the “shit happens” rule.

Women will be very forgiving of past errors if you are sincere and forthright about them. If you have an issue that can’t be avoided (like being broke or sleeping on your brother’s couch, or not having a car, etc…), make light of it or talk about how it’s teaching you new things. Of course, don’t say you’re sleeping on your brother’s couch. (Though, frankly, if you are, what the hell are you wasting time on dating sites for? Get your shit together first, Holmes. Geez. Players like you need to learn that putting your priorities straight is what keeps you off that couch. Go read something else on this site. You’re not ready to date yet.)

Go For Honest, Not for Pathetic

If you’re really trying to be honest without looking pathetic you might say, “I am in a transitional period right now and though my resources are meager, my principles are solid.” Women get the hint without being given the full picture much better than we numbskulls. While I really do encourage honesty, positivity may be even more important. You attract what you put out. If you want to meet great women, you need to be a great guy, and you need to make that shine through in your profile.

In the Online Dating Game, Put Yourself Out There

Listen, we’re not all great guys. We all carry around some crap, some baggage, some things that make us undesirable. What you need to do is accentuate the positive while making certain to be honest about your faults. Women on dating sites know that some guys are lying dirtbags. The closer your personal profiles reflect who you really are, what you look like and your values, the more successful you’ll be.

What do you have to say about online dating after divorce? Let us know in the comments below.

Here are some more Dating Tips for the Newly Single Man.


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(c) Can Stock Photo / dolgachov

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