Divorce is terrible. Even the most amicable divorce can be painful and exhausting. But it’s important not to rush your decisions or take actions you’ll regret down the line. We want to help you avoid the top eight divorce mistakes you’ll regret for the rest of your life.
There are many things you may want to do in the heat of the moment, especially if you were the one screwed over by your divorce. But there are some things you can never take back or make right, no matter how hard you try.
The biggest divorce mistake you can make is filing for divorce too soon. It’s one thing if you know you’re in a dying relationship with no happy ending in sight, but many people rush their divorce in a state of anger or bitterness. Don’t get a divorce when you’re angry. Take some time to figure out if your marriage is salvageable, and whether you and your spouse can be truly happy again. If the answer is no, then it’s the right decision, but many regret their divorce soon after because they jumped the gun and didn’t give their marriage a fighting chance.
Involving Your Children
Getting your kids involved in your divorce should be 100% off limits. This can ruin your relationship with them down the road, and lead to tension whenever you see them. No matter how angry you are at your ex, don’t try to make your children choose sides and resist the urge to say anything nasty about her in their presence. Not only will this create a toxic environment, but it can also cost you in a custody battle.
When you’re with your kids, focus on them. Put your children first and make sure all your interactions are positive and memorable (in a good way). If you take your frustrations out on the kids, or worst of all, blame them for the divorce, you may never be able to mend your relationship with them. That’s something you’ll regret for as long as you live.
Starting to Date Before the Divorce is Finalized
The best revenge is getting back in the dating saddle right? Probably not. If you’re not over your divorce, it’s not fair to the person you start dating or yourself. It can also lead to nasty fights with your ex and trouble with your kids. Your whole family is going through a tough time, and the last thing anyone needs is for a stranger to start coming around.
The best thing to do is wait to start dating until the divorce is final and things with your ex have cooled down. If you do start seeing someone because timing worked out that way, don’t rub it in your ex’s face by bringing her around and don’t talk about her to your ex. It’s a recipe for disaster and one of the biggest divorce mistakes you can make.
Venting About Your Divorce on Social Media
Social media has become an outlet for many people to vent their frustrations, political views, and hardships. Do not do this with your divorce. Once it’s on the internet, anyone has the potential to see it and although some people may offer their support, you’ll come off looking spiteful and childish. If you say anything bad about your spouse on social media, your divorce likely won’t be as smooth or reasonable as you were hoping for.
It may be tempting to vent about your divorce on social media, but do you want everyone you know getting a glimpse into your private life? Don’t let yourself post in the heat of the moment. Sure, you can delete it later, but you never know who might have taken a screen shot of it or saved it. This is one divorce mistake that can cost you big time.
Not Taking Responsibility for Your Actions
Whether you were the one who filed for the divorce or not, don’t be too quick to play the blame game. While there are some exceptions, divorce is often not one sided. Take responsibility for your actions and own up to your mistakes. Putting all the blame and fault on your spouse will make any potential reconciliation much harder in the future.
Taking responsibility will also be beneficial for you moving forward. Come to terms with the areas of your life you need to work on most so you can be happier in the future. If you don’t take responsibility, you’re not likely to make any positive changes in your life, which could be crucial to moving on in a healthy way.
Drinking and Partying
Sure, it may take the sting off to go out with your friends for a drink, but don’t let it spiral out of control. Bad habits can easily lead to regrettable situations. Especially if you’re in a custody battle, you shouldn’t be doing anything that could risk your time with your kids.
Be honest with yourself. If you know one drink can quickly lead to five, and you know you make bad decisions when you drink, don’t put yourself in that position in the first place. Drinking and partying isn’t the way to deal with your divorce. It may provide a quick fix, but it’s not worth it to risk doing something you’ll regret.
Settling Too Quickly
When it comes to life-altering experiences such as a divorce, many people just want to get them over with. But settling too quickly is one of the biggest divorce mistakes you can make. Divorce can be painful, exhausting and emotionally draining, so people tend to agree with what their spouse wants, even if it’s not fair. This is something you’ll regret down the road.
Make sure you’re equipped with all the knowledge you need from your attorney before settling on anything. Make sure you’re getting your fair share of property and that your spouse isn’t trying to take advantage of your painful and exhausted state. It’s almost impossible to go back after the divorce is final to make changes to a marital property settlement, so stay tough and fight for what’s yours.
Not Watching What You Say
Whenever you’re in contact with your spouse, be careful what you say. Whether it’s over the phone, email, text or in person, anything negative you say can be used against you in your divorce. Let your lawyer handle the communication with your spouse, especially if you know you can’t keep it cordial. Anything you put down in writing can be saved, and anything you say about your spouse or children in front of a witness can lead to trouble in the courtroom.
Avoiding Divorce Mistakes
Emotions often run high during a divorce, but acting on them can lead to mistakes you’ll regret for a long time. Some mistakes you’ll never be able to repair. The best way to avoid divorce mistakes is to cool down before taking any drastic actions. Don’t make decisions when you’re angry and don’t act in the heat of the moment. Focus on yourself and the changes you can make in your life for the better.
Have you made any divorce mistakes? Let us know how you dealt with them in the comment section.
Keep your friends out of hot water.
Share these tips on your social media.