Nerdy Guy, take heed. And take heart. While most articles are dedicated to attracting the opposite sex, we’ve crafted a dating guide for guys that enthusiastically discusses how to be the best version of your nerdy self. And get the girl. It’s like a dating guide, for you.

Take Pride in Who You Are

First, let’s discuss and define who you are. Søren Kierkegaard has been quoted as saying, “Once you label me you negate me.” And while that may be true if the labeler has malicious intent, I’m a firm believer in taking pride in strengths and attributes. And if someone has taken the time to label you as a nerdy guy, believe me, you have attributes a-plenty.

Let’s start at the most logical place one would think to go when researching what it means to be nerdy, the dictionary, and let’s have a look at both the definition and origin of the word. Interestingly enough, Merriam-Webster gives us immediate hope as it defines a nerd as “an unstylish, unattractive, or socially inept person, especially: one slavishly devoted to intellectual or academic pursuits.”


Glean hope from the operative word in this definition, nerdy guys. And that word is “or.” A few things I invite you to consider if you self-identify with any of these descriptors. One, they are all adjectives, and as such, can be altered. Do you feel unstylish and unattractive?

Assemble Your Crew

There is help for you. Personal shoppers abound. Online style guides and fashion bloggers run amuck. Find a few. Pose the question on Quora or Reddit. These people are specialists and are here to help you find your style mojo. Spend an afternoon with someone who knows from cut, color, and their proper assemblage, and you will feel like a new man. The objective is to walk out feeling like a better version of yourself, not Derek Zoolander.

Second, may I suggest an acting coach? For several reasons. Insecurities carry with them a great number of physical warning signs. If seventy-some-odd percent of communication is through body language, it will be invaluable for you to learn how to act attractive and socially apt.

If you are transmitting the information that you feel unattractive, we as women are going to receive the information that you feel unattractive. You’re starting out seventy-some odd steps away from the starting line of average confidence. No Bueno. You should have every advantage afforded you, and here’s how.

Enter the Art of Acting

Simply learn to act like you feel attractive. You’ve heard the expression ‘fake it til you make it’? Well, the original phrasing read ‘act like you feel attractive until you believe it and begin to attract women that both find and believe you are too.’ Only that didn’t roll off the tongue, so Cosmo or somebody likely shortened it for a snazzy headline. Because of sex.

Next, take an improv class. Why? Because if you feel un-this, un-that, or in-anything… you’re essentially starting off from a negative place. Nothing starts with no. Get it? Take an improv class and get used to taking what your partner offers, even if your partner is Life and you’re still holding a grudge for the romantic hand you think you’ve been dealt, and learn how to say ‘yes, and.’ It’s Improv 101. Watch how people, and life, start responding to you.

Tip: It will be positively, and it will be with more. More conversations, more opportunities, more laughter. More yes. And it will offset the “slavishly devoted” bit as well. Diversification through improvisation!

Don’t Argue With Dr. Suess

Finally, let’s talk word origin. Understand that the first time this word came into known existence was in the 1950s. And it was likely attributed to Dr. Suess’s creature the nerd from his Caldecott Honor–winning children’s book If I Ran the Zoo (1950). In it, the young Gerald McGrew suggests that he be put in a managerial position and throughout the duration of the book discusses the subsequent, inevitable zoological restructuring. Out with the old, in the with new. And you, my nerdy guy friend, were the new. Dr. Suess gave us the Lorax; the man knew what he was doing.

Which brings me to my next point: Nerdy Man, define thyself.

When I want a modern take on the definition of things, I take a spin through the Urban Dictionary. And I was not at all unhappy with what I found. Select from any of the following, such as “The person you will one day call “Boss” or my personal fave, “Guys with IQ higher than your weight. You made fun of them when you were at school, but you would be lucky if you get employed as janitors in their businesses.”

The beauty of defining yourself, and doing so via the Urban Dictionary, is that if you decide you want to work these definitions into the fabric of modern society, simply order the coffee mugs for any and all occasions. For better results, order in bulk and forego wrapping paper or a card. Everyone will know it’s from you anyway, so why bother.

The Next Dating Step for a Nerdy Guy

I have a friend who is a finish carpenter. He apprenticed a great many years in English shipyards and claimed to have worked on the QEII itself. Accent and all, suffice it to say he held carpentry street cred with me and in his swoon-worthy accent once told me, “That which we cannot change, we must make an asset.” And while Adrian was referring to knots found in the finest selections of wood, he was giving me a lesson in life. A lesson I now pass on to you, sans the accent. Which is to say, if you are and feel all these things, unstylish, unattractive, socially inept and your depth of knowledge is the envy of free divers around the world, then ride that horse in the direction it’s facing and by all means, grab the reins and go.

Own your territory and send out your own special mating call. Know your tribe and fly your nerdy flag.

She’s out there. She’s going to love you for you. Value everything that makes you, you. And thank her lucky stars she found you. Did you know that entire articles in major magazines have been dedicated to you, the nerdy guy? Know that we are thinking both about you and how to attract you.

Know that we are thinking both about you and how to attract you.

Just remember, you have to be able to be found. Be receptive to her when she shows up and asks to see your collection of this or to read your paper on that. When she asks you how you became interested in your “insert your thing here” and her eyes don’t glaze over when you’re talking, it’s a good sign. When she doesn’t ask for a lifesaving device in the form of several cocktails, ask her out. Again.

Take Back Who You Are. Redefine It. Own It.

Nerdy guys, guess what happens when you own it. And roll with it. Yep. It’s going to be hipster at some point. I mean come on. People are paying $18.00 for PBRs in Vegas these days. Yes. Pabst Blue Ribbon is pulling $18.00 a can. Hang on to the specialness that makes you you, and in due time, you’ll be emulated. Why? Because people without a moral compass love to point theirs toward people who know who they are, stand for something and have accomplished something in life. That guy is you. If you decide it is.

Share this on your social media to help out that other guy.

(c) Can Stock Photo / alistaircotton

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