Ranking the Greatest and Nastiest States for Alimony

Ranking the Greatest and Nastiest States for Alimony

Alimony may have had its place in divorce, but far too often it is like a punishment for men. In a world where women continue to gain more of a percentage of the workforce, the need for alimony continues to come under fire. Some think alimony has traditionally been used as a way to get men to stay in a marriage they possibly did not want anymore. Whether true or not, thankfully, many states are changing those medieval modes of thinking about spousal support!

The Greatest Alimony States for Men

Georgia:

Georgia has some of the best laws in the country in regards to knocking out alimony from the divorce equation. Sometimes you have to wonder if they named it the Peach State after their alimony laws.

While some alimony can be ordered, usually it is not. They keep trying to improve their laws related to alimony, but as with legislation, it is difficult to cover all contingencies, like this one related to trust protection exclusion related to alimony.

Additionally, if the spousal payee committed adultery, they are barred from alimony payments altogether.

Texas:

Texas is one of the hardest states to get alimony payments in the country. It often is just not awarded at all.

The only downside is that the Lone Star State is a community-property state. Wealthy breadwinners beware! Property gets split down the middle.

Nevada:

The land of quickie marriages and divorces!

While this might not be the place where you make your last stand with your ex in a long, drawn-out battle, it can go very well in short, somewhat amicable divorces.

Note: Nevada is also a community property state.

Alaska:

Alaska has a non-monetary contribution to the marriage where marital fault may also be considered. But, this could be a double-edge sword.

If your wife contributed to the marriage by raising the kids, then, maybe it’s not so good. Conversely, if she cheated, the alimony gets booted.

New Hampshire:

Like Nevada, New Hampshire has a quick divorce turnaround time. While this does not always help with the alimony, it does give a failed marriage finality, faster. Then, you can move on with your life.

New Hampshire doesn’t just look at the usual things (earnings, children, education, etc.) but also each spouse’s earning potential outside the marriage.

Fault weighs heavily there, too, as does each spouse’s contributions to their joint properties.

The thorough examination is based on need and not a predetermined formula that might unfairly hurt the paying spouse.

Alabama:

In Alabama, the paying partner’s economic conditions are considered and weighed against the other spouse’s financial needs.

Alimony is ordered on a time frame, and ends:

  • Upon the death of either the payer or recipient,
  • When the recipient remarries, or
  • If the recipient moves in with a new mate

Cohabitation is important because (as you will see below) it means the receiving spouse cannot get away with receiving alimony payments for years while living with a new partner.

Delaware:

Delaware has some factors judges use to determine whether alimony is paid, and for how long.

Alimony is awarded for half the length of a marriage in cases where the divorce comes less than 20 years after the wedding date.

After the 20-year mark, however, it can go on for life.

Kansas:

By far one of the simplest systems in the country!

Kansas says alimony can last for a maximum of 121 months after the divorce. But, the awardee can apply for, and be granted, an additional 121 months in payments. This only happens in rare cases, though.

Tennessee:

Tennessee is committed to rehabilitative spousal support.They encourage job training and education.

That doesn’t mean judges will not order alimony to provide long-term support. It just means that spouses cannot receive money without genuine need.

Utah:

Alimony awards ordered not to exceed the length of the marriage. Also, they stop spousal support upon cohabitation and remarriage. What guy wants to pay an ex to live with some new guy?

The Worst Alimony States for Men

California:

While California was the first state to offer no-fault divorces, they are also one of the most expensive states in the country when it comes to court-ordered support after divorce.

Randall M. Kessler, chairman of the American Bar Association’s Section on Family Law, told Alan Farnham of ABC News,

“Child support in California is typically 10 times what it is…in Georgia or Nevada.”

For that reason alone, California, you made it onto the list of nastiest states for alimony in the country.

New Mexico:

This state’s laws allow scorned spouses to bring suit against their former partner’s new lover.

Talk about holding a grudge!

Mississippi:

Meet the second state to coddle grudge holders! Hell hath no wrath like legislators in New Mexico andMississippi!

Here, too, a scorned partner can legally sue their former spouse’s new lover for damages. Potentially, a non-guilty party can be held responsible for someone else’s failed marriage. Love to meet the jilted lover who created that law!

New York:

New York is one of the slowest states to reform their alimony laws. They held out on legalizing no-fault divorces until 2010. The delay cost litigants thousands of dollars in wasted fees.

That is the heart of the matter. New York has not made it easy for men seeking divorce to move on with their lives.

Colorado:

Colorado does not care if one or the other party to divorce can adequately support themselves.

Instead, they use a formula they call “temporary.” It takes 40% of the higher income deducted by 50% of the lower income. It is not based on financial reality. This “temporary” formula often becomes the long-term, more permanent formula.

Furthermore, Colorado is a community-property state. That means all property is divided equally. So, you could lose half of your property and assets. And then, still pay out 40% of your income.

Imagine getting divorced three times!? Does that mean you owe 120% of your income to your ex?

Florida:

The best way to sum up Florida’s messed up alimony policies is through the story of Debbie Israel.

The 47-year-old college math teacher from Miami refuses to marry her fiancé because of the state’s alimony for life laws. Once they get married, she will have to give a percentage of her wages to her would-be husband’s ex-wife as part of his household, permanently.

Yep, this makes Florida one of the nastiest states for alimony in the country.

West Virginia:

They almost didn’t make the nasty list. Their laws regarding marital misconduct ensure no adulterer, convicted felon, or spouse deserter gets awarded alimony.

But they do allow for the ordering of permanent spousal support. Were it not for that, they’d be on the nice list.

New Jersey:

The Garden State probably represents a lot of disheartening news for many spouses. They’re one of the last remaining states where permanent alimony is a possibility. While the system is equitable, permanent is not a sound way to set up alimony for couples who were only together for a few years.

Vermont & Connecticut:

I know I’m going all broken record here, but the thought of paying alimony in perpetuity stinks! It is with that thought in mind that I welcome Vermont and Connecticut to the list of nastiest states for alimony.

They round out the list of the worst 10 for that particular reason.

Final Thoughts

Residing in the right state is not a Get out of Jail Free, alimony card. However, it can significantly reduce your expenses over time.

While many of us can’t just pack up and move to a different state whenever we want, even if for more favorable alimony environment, we can have influence over the working situation in our home. The key reason for alimony across the country is to provide support while a non-working spouse re-enters the workforce. If both spouses work throughout the marriage, or definitely the years before the divorce, the alimony claims reduce significantly.

Alimony laws in this country ultimately vary from state to state. Pay attention (Now!) to the laws in your state before you get married. Make sure you will not get the screw when (and if) you divorce.

Make sure you’re with someone with whom you want to spend your life. Being sure is a much better alternative to being sorry.

How did your state shape up? Let us know your thoughts in the comment section below.

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5 Ways to Find Trust After Divorce

5 Ways to Find Trust After Divorce

Divorce breaks your trust. It shatters your previously held believe how the people around you can stick with you through all the situations of life. I spent a lot of time exploring how I could regain the trust after divorce impacted my life.

When I went through it three years ago, I knew that I would be okay. It was not the end of the world as some people make it think. Society does not shun the divorced.

The challenge I had was figuring out how I could ever trust a woman again.

This is a big issue. After all, experts tell us that trusting your partner is one of the biggest predictors of success in a relationship.

The strategies I discuss below come from my experiences on the path to regaining this trust. I hope you benefit from my experiences.

Five strategies to find trust after divorce

1. Take some time for yourself

Divorce is tough. I thought I could handle anything before the divorce. Whoa! Was I wrong!

I knew things were not working right for a little while. However, when my ex finally discussed the break, I admit the event jaded me more than I could imagine.

After wanting to make it work for so long, it felt like I could trust no one except my immediate family and friends. Even then the potential for others to let me down was an ever-present fear. The one person I could rely upon was me.

I needed time to internalize what happened. My first solution to trust after the divorce was to take a sabbatical from dating.

I spent the next year regaining the trust I had in myself and then in others.

I started by striking out on my own. My parents offered me a couch for a month to get back on my feet. I refused. I need my space. To prove that I could do it on my own again.

Stupid…maybe. Needed…definitely.

Next, I reconnected with old friends I had not seen in a decade or more. My favorite was the road trip up to my old college where I crashed with a friend for a weekend on their couch.

The trip reminded me of old times and brought back a lot of great memories.

Once I did that, I also started working on improving my skills. For me, I wanted to learn some new career skills.

Fun fact: Did you know improving your business strategy skills can improve your paycheck by 4.3%? Contract negotiation skills can improve your paycheck another 5%.

The more I learn, the more comfortable I feel with my career. This gives me confidence in other areas of my life so that I can trust others.

2. Date for fun

Once you feel better about yourself, you want to trust others after divorce. The best way to do this is to go on a date.

Being single in your thirties is very different from being single in your twenties. When I dated in my twenties, you had dating websites. Not you have apps where you grade everyone within 2 seconds. It removes a lot of the personalization.

However, if you want to get out there, you must do it. 40 million Americans now use dating apps to find their partner. One in 10 people use them to find their next date. The big question becomes Tinder or Plenty of Fish? We could do something more local or based on similarities.

The choices are endless, and you parade through a gazillion potential matches in minutes. I might exaggerate a little, but this is what it feels like for someone who grew up in an era when the people dating online seemed a bit odd.

The first few dates were a disaster. However, that is why you go on a date with the first decent woman who swipes right for you. You need to get them out of your system.

You almost need a new woman to complain about besides the ex. Think about the new vistas of opportunity.

3. Keep Dating  

Once you go on those first few dates, you get a little bit of your swagger back. You remember it really was her, and not you.

You also realize someday you can feel comfortable trusting someone again. This is what happened to me. After more dating apps than I care to discuss, I found an app that seemed like gold to me. The dating app was JSwipe. It is like the Tinder for Jews.

I went on some dates, and just as I was about to take a break, I went on one last date. We ended up talking for three hours at a coffee shop on our first date.

We are closing in on our one-year anniversary, and it reminds me that I learned I can trust after divorce.

4. The Kids

I dodged one of the biggest divorce bullets out there. I did not have kids. However, I have many friends who had kids when they divorced. It complicates things. You need someone who not only you can trust after divorce, but your kids can trust as well.

For example, one friend had a daughter. His divorce proceedings lasted five years when the mother suddenly decided in the middle of the divorce she wanted to move back to Green Bay from Chicago.

They both lived in Chicago and split custody. Challenges like this encourage couples to stay together. Over time, he also found someone he could trust. However, early attempts at this did not go so well.

This is why it is not surprising the divorce rate is 40% lower for couples who have a child. It unites the parents when they work on something greater than themselves.

If that is not possible, then it happens. Just take it slow for all sides. While you might be excited for your new squeeze to see your family, your kids might not. Make sure your kids are ready before you introduce them to a potential stepmother.

5. Learning from earlier mistakes

I told my new significant other that fear not, I plan to make a whole new category of mistakes with her. While I said it in jest, it has merit.

As Winston Churchill once said, “All men make mistakes, but only wise men learn from their mistakes.”

The hardest challenge is not to compare what happened before to your current situation. I know, because I constantly remind myself just because the ex did this does not mean my girlfriend will. 

This means I need to approach things in a different light.

The biggest part of is you need to be open and honest with your partner to find a solution. You never have all the answers. Getting a different person’s perspective can help you sort through whatever challenges you have whether large or small.

Finally, you need to have a sense of humor about the mistakes you made in the past as well as the upcoming mistakes. Laughter is really the best medicine for solving your challenges.

Final Thoughts

Regaining your trust after a divorce does not happen overnight. However, with the right temperament, you can do it.

The strategies you use depends upon your specific situation. For example, if you had kids then you might need to use some different strategies than if you divorced without children.

Additionally, in some cases, you might want to start dating sooner rather than later. The key is that you need to be able to finish a conversation without talking about your ex.


(c) Can Stock Photo / focalpoint

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5 Reason NEVER to Be Friends with Your Ex

5 Reason NEVER to Be Friends with Your Ex

You’re divorced, for cryin’ out loud! Why would you want to be friends with your ex after you finally got away from her? Is the hot rum and Auld Lang Syne messing with your head? Man, what are you thinking?

Listen up. If family obligations and holiday events are bringing her back into your orbit, here are the pros and cons you need to know before getting sucked into becoming friends with your ex-wife.

Don’t Kid Yourself – She Hasn’t Changed

Three weeks after my ex-wife and I decided to split, we went on our previously planned vacation to Ecuador and Peru. The entire trip had been pre-paid, and we thought this could be a great final hurrah! It wasn’t.

The feelings were too raw, and the concept of being friends with the women who had monopolized the better part of my last decade was a too much. I spent the entire three weeks thinking I would rather travel with someone I could enjoy and appreciate.

While it was still a great trip, my favorite memories came from the week I traveled by myself. Visiting the village off Lake Titicaca, I made new friends, had amazing experiences, and felt completely at ease traveling alone.

According to a 2004 NBC.com poll, approximately 48% of people surveyed said they stayed friends after the breakup. I have never met that 48%, but mazel tov to those who can do it.

I guess I fall into the 18% who tried to make it work and failed. My personal experience had led me to have a personal bias against staying friends with your ex. If you want to go there, look at it from all sides.

Co-Parenting Does Not Require You To Be  Friends With Your Ex

Protecting your kids from drama doesn’t mean you have to be buds with their mother. Of all the reasons why you should remain cordial, the best one by far is for the kids. Your role of Dad is important, and you need to do what is necessary to protect your relationship with your kids.

Make sure your children have a positive memory of their parents that does not end in he said, she said. Be polite, be cordial.  Be as diplomatic as hell. You can accomplish all this without becoming friends with your ex.

A guy I know has three kids with his ex. The couple made the mature decision that since they both have 50% custody of the children they would create an annual budget where each of them put in 50% of the funds up to pay for the kids’ needs and wants.

This way they could tap it to get clothes, feed them, and do other items without resentment from the other side. It works well for them, and the kids aren’t caught in the middle of constant bickering.

This might not define friendship, but it is more amicable and collaborative than many of the parent out there who have let thier divorce harm the children.

Why Keep Going Back For More

Some people really are better friends than lovers. I get that. Maybe it is a sign of maturity, that after you get rid of those negative feelings, you can hang out together. However, even if you’re willing to take a shot at different relationship with your ex, you need to get some separation before you begin to explore friendship.

Some exes truly are better friends, so I’ve heard. From what I’ve seen, going back for more misery from the ex, doesn’t rate as a mature, well-thought out strategy for a better life. Why set yourself up for that?

Only Psychopaths Are Friends With Their Ex

Well, maybe not everyone. However, according to a recent study out of Oakland University, a lot of exes want to stay friends for some pretty sketchy reasons.

Sometimes they kept the ex around for sexual purposes when they wanted a familiar quickie. Otherwise, there were a host of non-friendly reasons to keep the relationship going.

You might have other services in mind, like leaving the cat with your ex for the weekend, or your ex might want help fixing that sink that broke while she’s in a financial pinch. Neither of you are motivated by friendship.

Just because an ex needs her sink repaired does not mean she’s a psychopath. However, the ones who try hardest to be friends with their exes for strategic reasons are the ones most likely to have dark or psychotic tendencies.

Kind makes you regret even more being with her in the first place, huh?

Why It’s Best To Break It Off – Again

Being friends with your ex is like continuing a bad habit you know you should stop.

Every instinct tells you this is just not good. However, you get so comfortable you fall into the same old traps.

Avoid the Morning After Headache

You are at most risk of getting sucked back in during the holidays, when family is pushing you to try again, or the kids are making you feel guilty.

However, often the re-connect is just a bit more…hormonal. The angst of being so close to each other while not being able to express yourself fully plays itself out. A little holiday booze, that one little touch ignites a hot passion you both thought you lost.

That is, until the next morning when you discover this was not a re-connect. It was a one-night stand that you are already regretting!

You Don’t Want To Be Her Bestie When She Has A New Guy

Let’s flip this. What happens if you are not the one your ex hooks up with? How do you feel then? I bet you are not shouting “go get that guy” to your ex! When my ex started dating a guy two days after we split I was not happy. That is for sure.

It brings up a whole new round of feelings that are best not described in this article. However, it is a major reason not to try being friends with your ex. Why hang around for that misery and despair?

Dating Is Better Without Your Ex Over Your Shoulder

Getting some distance from the ex allows men to move on with life after divorce.  Think back to all the reasons your marriage failed. Is your ex-wife someone you trust to offer opinions on your new friends? On your new sex life?

When it comes to dating, not too many women will be eager to continue a relationship with a guy whose ex-wife is hanging around taking a “friendly” interest. Think about it.

Take it from me, the best divorce advice for men I can give you is, holidays or not, if you are tempted to start hanging with your ex, run the other way!

Have you managed to handle being friends with your ex? Or was it a walk down misery lane?  Share your experiences in the comments below!

No question, a difficult breakup can mess with your head. TJ Carver explores the emotional impact and asks Can A Bad Marriage or Divorce Cause PTSD?

Want to break the habit of circling back to your ex?  Check out Alicia Mejia’s encouragement to Find Your Comfort Zone … Then Leave It!

 Remember to share this article on social media today!


(c) Can Stock Photo / RTimages

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Pros and Cons of Being Friends with Your Ex

Pros and Cons of Being Friends with Your Ex

The question of whether you can continue being friends with your ex after divorce is one that continues to linger and has been the focus of several studies over the years. While I do have a personal bias against staying friends with your ex, the logical part of my mind wants to evaluate the pros and cons of having that kind of relationship with the ex after the breakup.

Let’s Be Civilized About This

Three weeks after my ex-wife and I decided to split, we went on our previously planned vacation to Ecuador and Peru. The entire trip had been pre-paid, and we thought this could be a great final hurrah!

In hindsight, it was three weeks of great experiences, overshadowed by my persistent thoughts about how I wanted to travel with someone I appreciate.

The feelings were too raw, and the concept of being friends with the women who had monopolized the better part of my last decade was a little too much.

While it was still a great trip, my favorite memories came from the week I traveled by myself. Visiting the village off Lake Titicaca, I made new friends, had amazing experiences, and felt completely at ease traveling alone.

According to a 2004 NBC.com poll, approximately 48% of people surveyed said they stayed friends after the breakup. I have never met that 48%, but mazel tov to those who can do it.

I guess I fall into the 18% who tried to make it work and failed. While I do have a personal bias against staying friends with your ex, the logical part of my mind wants to evaluate the pros and cons of staying friends with the ex after the breakup.

Perfectly Good Reasons for Being Friends with Your Ex

We are friends for the kids. Of all the reasons why you should remain friendly, the best one by far is for the kids. The role of a parent is equally or stronger than that of a spouse. Make sure your children have a positive memory of their parents that does not end in he said, she said.

For example, one of my friends’ boyfriend has three kids with his ex. The couple made the mature decision that since they both have 50% custody of the children they would create an annual budget where both of them put 50% of the funds up to pay for the kids’ needs and wants.

This way they could tap it to get clothes, feed them, and do other items without resentment from the other side.

This might not define friendship, but it is more amicable and collaborative than many of the relationships out there who have let the divorce harm the children.

It is a sign of maturity. Some people really are better friends than lovers. I get that. Maybe it is a sign of maturity, that after you get rid of those negative feelings, you can hang out together.

However, even in this case you need to get some separation before you begin to explore friendship.

Some exes truly are better friends. If you can understand this then you can potentially have a strong friendship.

Emergency Contact. Bear with me on this point! The first time I traveled post-divorce I was not sure where to put my cat. I am not very trusting of pet hotels, and the cat previously stayed with members of my wife’s family when we went away.

However, my mom is allergic to cats, and this ruled out the possibility of shipping the cat off to my parents. My aunt and uncle could do it, but it is a trek. Most of my friends are dog people. And the list goes on…

Fortunately, I had a friend who volunteered. If not for friends like this, I would have to resort to the dreaded pet hotel.

It is a small reminder of how great it is to have someone else to make decisions with you when you are in the midst of an emergency.

On the Other Hand

Only Psychopaths are friends with their ex.  Well, maybe not everyone. However, according to a recent study out of Oakland University, a lot of exes want to stay friends for objectionable reasons.

Sometimes they kept the ex around for sexual purposes when they needed a pick me up. However, that does not discount other strategic reasons like leaving your cat with your ex for the weekend, or fixing that sink that mysteriously always broke when you were in a financial pinch.

Just because an ex needs her sink repaired does not mean she’s a psychopath. However, the ones who try the most to be friends with their exes for strategic reasons are the ones most likely to have dark or psychotic tendencies.

Kind makes you regret even more being with them in the first place, huh?

Being friends with your ex is like continuing a bad habit. A buddy of mine feels that staying in a relationship with your ex is like continuing to follow a bad habit you know you should stop.

Every instinct tells you this is just not good. However, you get so comfortable you fall into the same old traps.

Why It’s Best To Break It Off – Again

Breaking a bad habit takes at least a month, and concerted effort to get into a new routine. Breaking the habit of being friends with your ex may require something more dramatic.

Re-spark the dynamite. Pardon the pun, but being with an ex can be many different types of dynamite. There is honey-sweet, there is hot, and then there is Oh, hell no!

It could be the sweet dynamite where you both realize that you were dynamite together. Sometimes a bit of distance helps. If that is the case, great!

However, often the re-connect is just a bit more…hormonal. The angst of being so close to each other while not being able to express yourself fully plays itself out.

That one little touch ignites a hot passion you both thought you lost. That is, until the next morning when you discover this was not a re-connect. It was a one-time deal to satisfy each other’s appetite until next time.

Then comes the last type of dynamite. The one that comes in the form of scorched-earth style fighting. Unresolved feelings bubble to the top as you both explode in a fury of rage.

Hookups and Jealousy. Let’s flip this. What happens if you are not the one your ex hooks up with? How do you feel then? I bet you are not shouting “go get that guy” to your ex! When my ex started dating a guy two days after we split I was not happy. That is for sure.

It brings up a whole new round of feelings that are best not described in this article. However, it is a major reason not to try being friends with your ex. Why hang around for that misery and despair?

I think clearer. Here’s a random thing I do without my ex: give money to people on the street. Not a lot, but a few bucks here and there. When we were first married, and almost as destitute as the beggars on the street, my ex would throw a fit when I gave them a dollar or two.

She did not know why I would give money to a stranger and not to my own wife. It was a bit depressing. The giving train slowed down considerably until lately.

Now, I give again! For example, I was out with friends when a pregnant, homeless woman asked for money. After talking to her briefly I started to walk with her to get her a burger. She was hungry for two what else could I do?

After half a block I realized she also needed money to get to a homeless shelter. I felt the lone $20 bill in my wallet.

Instead of walking with her to the restaurant, I gave her the twenty. I instantly thought of my ex and felt guilty. Then I walked away, before anyone could see what I did.

I was embarrassed. My ex had conditioned me not to do things like that.

Afterwards, I was more embarrassed that I walked away after giving her the money. People in this situation do not need money. They need a friend.

Insight that I would never have received when I was with the ex-wife allowed me to understand this.

Being Friends With Your Ex Is Not For Me

After going through the pros and cons of this article, I have to say that being friends with my ex seems like a job. I already have a full-tine job, why do I need a second one?

Getting some distance is healthy and allows me to move on with life after divorce.  Not everyone has the same reactions that I do, but I feel that most people have trouble moving on after a significant breakup. If you ask me, staying friends with your ex after divorce is not the way to go!

Have you managed to handle being friends with your ex? Or was it a walk down misery lane?  Share your experiences in the comments below!

No question, a difficult breakup can mess with your head. TJ Carver explores the emotional impact and asks Can A Bad Marriage or Divorce Cause PTSD?

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Need money to get out of a bad situation? Consider crowdfunding your divorce! Here you will get the lowdown on how you can get strangers to help pay your legal fees!

It’s Happening Now

Stacey Schnaitman raised $2,193 out of her $3,000 goal on the site GoFundMe. The money is not for a new business venture or bucket-list dream trip. Instead, Stacey raised the money through crowdfunding to pay the lawyer to divorce her husband.

Stacey claims her husband is being prosecuted for child endangerment and aggravated assault. She wants a divorce with full custody of their four children and believes crowdfunding can help her fund the legal process.

The Geneva, Illinois woman is part of a growing trend of people who are using crowdfunding to pay for their divorce.  As she told the Patch “It would take me forever to save that money up.”

Your Divorce Will Not Be Cheap

Stacey’s situation is not surprising, given the rising cost of divorces. Forbes estimates the cost of the average contested divorce around $15,000 to $30,000. The vast majority of this money goes to legal fees.

Reminds me of Shakespeare’s oft-repeated quote, “The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers.” Crowdfunding can prevent this violence.

It is why we explore how to use crowdfunding to pay for your divorce, along with best practices for promoting your divorce campaign.

Ready to Reveal?

Before we dive into crowdfunding, a word of caution. To run a successful campaign, you need to reveal a side of your divorce that you would normally keep private. This is especially true if you have children.

As we all know, even preschoolers are jumping onto electrical devices with astounding speed. They know how to search the internet, and given the chance, can probably find your campaign online. You don’t want to hurt your kids by crowdfunding your divorce!

Appropriately, the courts want children kept away from the ugly details in a divorce case. The Judge will not look favorably upon your fundraising campaign if your kids get their prying eyes on it.

At Guyvorce, we know a divorce can be a painful, contentious experience. Crowdfunding your divorce can bring a lot of that pain and distress to light.

Be aware of this before you start the campaign.

Basics for Crowdfunding Your Divorce

1. Choose the Right Crowdfunding Platform

Not all crowdfunding sites allow users to crowdfund their divorce. Investigate all the rules and restrictions for each site before making your final decision.

Here are a few popular platforms:

PlumFund has their own Divorce Registry for those looking to crowdfund their divorce. Plumfund is free for set-up, but they do charge processing fees for PayPal and WePay.

This site has experienced crowdfunding leadership. The couple that started PlumFund also started HoneyFund, an online wedding registry.

PlumFund reports racking up over 114 divorce registries since launching the site in March.

Funded Justice has a section dedicated to crowdfunding divorces.  This site is dedicated to helping people raise the funds for any legal issue they might have including divorce, civil suits, criminal actions, and injustices like discrimination or wrongful termination.

GoFundMe– We discussed GoFundMe earlier. They do not have a dedicated divorce section, but do permit people to raise funds to pay for their divorce.

Indiegogo does not have a dedicated divorce section, but they will allow you to use the platform for crowdfunding your divorce.

2. Tell a Compelling Story

People won’t just hand you money to get divorced. They want to know why you need the money. No one is interested in a run-of-the-mill divorce story. Meh!

To succeed in crowdfunding your divorce, you have to grab attention and raise emotions by sharing the urgency of your situation.

Stacey Schnaitman’s story is a perfect example. She needs the cash to get her kids away from an abusive situation, and she needs it now!

To get folks to open their wallet, you will need to open up the personal details of your struggle. Be prepared to tell strangers the intimate and painful details of your private life.

Scott Tobin used Funded Justice for his campaign Stop the Madness. Scott asked for funding to help him recover financially from a long and expensive custody battle he fought to get his kids out of an unhealthy situation. He was able to save his kids, but the battle drained his savings and retirement. His story galvanized people to help him provide a stable home for his two daughters.

3. Don’t Count on Crowdfunding

The overwhelming number of crowdfunded divorce campaigns do not succeed. This is not surprising. Statistics from crowdfunding site GoFundMe showed the average amount raised for personal causes averaged $1,126. A far cry from the average $15,000 in legal fees.

Crowdfunding can help your cause, but it does not necessarily mean you can rely solely upon your campaign to fund your divorce.

4. Market Your Story

How do you create a quality marketing campaign among this swirl of emotions?

Write a sales page that sticks to the facts. Be positive!  Telling people your ex-wife is a “lying (fill-in-the-blank)” will not help you raise funds. People want their money to go for good causes. Tell potential donors how the funding helps you get your life back on track.

Tell potential donors how the funding helps you get your life back on track.

Once your crowdfunding page is ready, reach out to your friends, family, and contacts to start raising funds for your campaign.

Strangers won’t give money when they feel like the only donor. The more you can get your warm market (family and friends) to help kick-start your campaign, the more you will get from the crowdfunding platforms’ donors.

Connect with your existing communities online and offline to boost the results of your campaigns. Just like marketing a business, the more people you tell about the campaign, the better.

5. Tell People How They Are Helping

We mentioned this briefly above, but it is worth emphasizing this point. Let donors know how you will use their money.

If someone gives you a $100 for your divorce, they want to know you will not have a meltdown and blow it at the track. Instead, tell them how you will use the money to pay for your legal defense team or to deal with moving costs.

Make sure you follow through on this commitment. If donors find out you lied to them, it could have unexpected consequences. Fraud, anyone?

6. Be Ready to Do the Work

I once ran a crowdfunding campaign for a movie producer. He wanted to raise $25,000 from crowdfunding without contacting his warm market. He just assumed a few posts on social media would be enough to generate the money he needed.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

Prepare to spend significant time marketing your campaign. The more time you spend on the campaign, the more chances you have to raise donations.

At the same time, do not expect your entire legal tab to be paid in a week.

Final Thoughts

Most people have trouble functioning at their best while going through a divorce. Adding the stress of a crowdfunding campaign can be too much!

Additionally, divorce is a legal proceeding. Publicizing details of your case might hurt your legal standing. Ask your attorney to review your crowdfunding page before going live to avoid shooting yourself in the foot!

Crowdfunding your divorce can be done in an honest and ethical way, but does have some pros and cons. Be sure to look at all the angles before launching your campaign.

Does crowdfunding seem like an option for funding your divorce? Or too much risk? Let us know what you think in the comments below!

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