Ahhhh, looking for love in all the wrong places???? Yeah, most of us do, unfortunately.
Match? eharmony? Cupid? These among other matchmaking sites are big business and big moneymakers.
Do you really think you’ll find love on these websites? Finding Ms. Right is a never ending challenge since none of the women you’ve met in person ever seemed to work out. You seem to be been having problems finding someone you could relate to. But all may not be lost -there is still hope! Who says you need a professional? Got kids? Nieces? Nephews? Friends with kids?!?
Whether you already have them, want them or don’t, observing how a woman interacts with children will reveal a lot about her, and conversely — as most women have a natural maternal instinct — she is guaranteed to notice how you interact with them, allowing her that self-same insight as to the kind of man you are. If she sees that you are patient and kind with them, then chances are you’ll treat her the same way.
Think back to a time when a woman’s interaction with a child made an impression upon you. For me, I can instantly recall watching a huge, skunk root blonde in booty shorts and a tube top screaming and slapping at her little tiny toddler because the baby wouldn’t stop crying. I instantly whipped around looking for someone bigger than me to beat her like a wicked stepchild. What would you have done? Applauded her for the ‘discipline’ or told me to mind my own business? FYI: if you had been there and beat her up and I was 30 20 years younger? I would’ve slipped you my number. The point is: if you are great with kids, great women will notice.
So where to begin? On many, many occasions, the road to true love has begun on the sidelines at a pee-wee soccer game or backstage at a little person’s ballet recital. Would Hollywood keep churning out movies like The Parent Trap, Three Men and a Baby or Yours, Mine and Ours if the little guys weren’t such amazing romance fairies? Kids are natural matchmakers because they haven’t been hit with all those hard knocks to the heart; haven’t built those weird emotional barriers and boundaries us world-hardened adults have. They haven’t been stood up for their junior prom yet or been jilted. They ooze openness and honesty. So, Borat, they can get away with saying stuff that would get you slapped if you said it. And never forget that they are notorious for saying the darndest things. Cupid’s arrow, for instance, has been launched by a sweet little face saying something like:
“‘My daddy thinks your mommy has really AMAZING cucamongas’.
Women will forgive, heck, even be charmed when your precious princess decides it would be a good thing to share something she just happened to overhear on a cell call between you and your BF. Let that serve as a huge reminder that a kid will say anything at anytime and Murphy’s Law says it is usually the wrong time. So unless you want your new lady love to find out that you think her butt is just a bit too big, be careful what, when and where you say it.
In all seriousness, the one thing you should never, ever do is coach a child into acting the part of wingman. Depending on how old they are, it’ll turn out one of two ways: a younger one will flub the lines you thought were so smooth while an older kid reveals their personal shame and embarrassment with rolled up eyes. And you end up looking like jerk to her and your kids. Besides, didn’t you stop using a go-between back in the 7th grade?
There is another side to this romantic tale – one where ‘happily ever after’ may not stand a chance. Let’s say you’ve met a beautiful, amazing new woman. The chemistry is unbelievable! There’s just one small problem: a small person who thinks all that chemistry is nothing but poison. Hollywood has earned big bucks with that plot line, too, but in real life the situation is no comedy. Maybe its a self-preservation tool but children seem to come straight from the factory with an ability to sense things in adults that we often times overlook. You’re seeing a Nanny McFee while they saying she’s Maleficent. Best advice? Don’t ignore their concerns. Listen to them, talk it over. Maybe its just a misunderstanding or concerns about where they stand in your new relationship. Then again, they don’t call her a wicked step-mother for nothing.
Bottom line is you have another tool in your dating arsenal as long as you remember how incredibly rare and precious that tool is.
Romance for the newly single guy, or any guy for that matter, can be a daunting prospect. What do women want anyway? Well, if you’re paying attention you might be able to pick up on a few various serious cues pertaining to your lady’s desire and expectation. All women want…
Kids and Boundaries How to negotiate boundaries following your divorce So, you’re divorced. All your things and contracts and financial obligations and joint emotional obligations are done. You’re free and on your own and you don’t have to consider your ex-spouse’s anything anymore, whether you want to or not. Unless…
You’re divorced, for cryin’ out loud! Why would you want to be friends with your ex after you finally got away from her? Is the hot rum and Auld Lang Syne messing with your head? Man, what are you thinking? Listen up. If family obligations and holiday events are bringing…
Well, it’s that time of year when we all celebrate the coming of a new year and new opportunities. It’s also the time of year where we reflect on the past, and think about what has gone well, and what has not. And, then the dreaded thoughts start – Why can’t I have a partner who cares about me? And, if I divorce, will I divorce for all the right reasons.
These thoughts may lead to disenchantment with the marriage they forged with their partner many years ago. And, if the thought process continues unabated, thoughts of real divorce are not far behind. The thoughts of ending a marriage are devastating, for both parties. No one escapes the tragedy of divorce once the process starts.
Ending a marriage is one of the most devastating emotional hits a person takes in life. Truthfully, I think it’s worse than death. Death is a natural part of life and marriage; we make a vow to love each other ‘until death do us part’. Happily married couples will avoid even thinking about it except to draw up wills or buy life insurance. Divorce, on the other hand, isn’t natural. What person, genuinely in love, marries another human being with expectations of anything other than building a long and happy life together?
Down in the southern Bible Belt where I was raised, the bedrock belief that marriage is a sacred, forever thing was strongly instilled. D-i-v-o-r-c-e was not even spoken above a shameful whisper. If there were problems between a husband and wife, the solution was that you did whatever was necessary, working together to work it out. I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that with the majority of relationships this kind of ‘stick with it’ approach still works. I’ve known couples who value their marriage and buckle down to do whatever needs to be done to restore the happy state of the union. Sometimes in today’s fast and disposable lifestyle it can just seems easier to toss out things that are less than perfect. I’ve seen love thrown away like this and it’s always sad, especially when children are involved. And then there are times when no amount of effort or determination can fix things.
So when do you divorce for all the right reasons?
As an immature 19 year-old, I and my infant son endured horrific abuse at the hands of my first husband. Why did I stay as long as I did? Because I was brought up to believe that a divorce was a straight ticket to hell and damnation. I was afraid I wasn’t up to the responsibility of raising myself and a child. I literally believed him when he said no man would ever want me again. And no one believed me when I tried to tell them what was going on. Not even the police.
Later I married again, this time to a man who, on the surface, appeared to be genuine, loving and kind. It took seven years to uncover that his sole motivation for the courtship and marriage was to gain for himself a manly, ‘good old boy’ veneer in order to survive and prosper in the homophobic atmosphere that was Texas in the last century. He wasn’t gay but transgendered. By marrying me and adopting my son, he could hide and protect his secret. No, he didn’t beat me but the scars he inflicted were just as deep and real.
I may be a woman but we certainly don’t own exclusive rights to victimhood. Statics are revealing a marked increase in the number of reported domestic violence cases against men. Women are finally achieving notorious equality as the perpetrators they’ve always been capable of being.
Male or female, physical, emotional and sexual abuse are the top reasons to run – not walk – away. These are issues that lead to divorce for all the right reasons. It may sound logical and obvious but where the heart is involved, it becomes incredibly easy to ignore wisdom and reason ourselves right into denial. You tell yourself that there’s no way that this person with whom you have shared so much would actually, intentionally hurt you in any way, shape, form or fashion. As a former crime reporter, I can tell you I heard this a lot. Unfortunately in many cases it was too late to hear it first hand.
When in doubt, walk out, and divorce for all the right reasons..
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You’re finally ready to get back onto the dating circuit? Well, good for you! You don’t have to go it alone with man’s best friend by your side. If you don’t already know what I’m talking about, then it’s time for you to get a dog.
Dogs are Powerful Girl Magnets
Dogs rank second only to babies when it comes to attracting positive female attention. Just sit by a dog park some Saturday afternoon. Yorkies get almost non-stop smiles and conversation and no doubt some major flirting. But seriously, can a woman really stand by her man when he’s carrying a Dior Doggie Tote? Believe it or not, the answer just might be ‘Yes! ”
Even Cave Men Knew to Get A Dog
The complex relationships between humans and canines seems to have begun in ice age Europe. Recent archeological evidence puts us and wolves, huddled in caves and hunting wooly mammoths perhaps as far back as 30,000 years ago. From those earliest beginnings, we learned – out of necessity or ingenuity- to breed animals that served a purpose: early Irish warriors and later hunters gained valued protection from wolf hounds; sheep dogs made a shepherd’s job easier and sled dogs literally stood between life and death in the frozen northlands. Side by side, over a long expanse of time, these different groups of humans and dogs have evolved together in an interdependent existence.
Today the relationship between Homo sapiens and Canis familiaris has changed somewhat. While still employed in utilitarian roles around the world, far and away the majority of modern canines serve as human companions. Where once upon a time their ancestors gnawed on bones thrown beneath the trestle table, it is not rare in this day and age to find a pampered pooch eating better than many humans. In place of the hunt, some sport diamonds collars and wear haute couture. The dependence has changed because the Homo sapiens species has – not the other way around. A dog is still a dog. Whether you get a dog from the pound, or a special breeder, you’ll have a loyal companion.
Your Dog Says A Lot About You
We’ve all seen the funny photos showing how dogs and their humans can begin to look alike, but what you may not know is that recent research now seems to be saying this connection could very well be more than just skin deep. In 2012, researchers Jo Fearon and Dr. Lance Workman of Bath Spa University in the Uk, reported the findings of a study they conducted in collaboration with the British Kennel Club. Over 1,000 registered purebred dog owners took part in an online survey which asked them to answer questions assessing personality traits such as their emotional stability, how agreeable or pleasant they thought they were and how they’d rate their outgoingness. They were also asked to provide information on the type of dog they owned. The resulting breeds were then split into seven basic groups and owner’s answers slotted accordingly.
What they found was that our own subconscious might be the casting director when it comes time to get a dog, and deciding what kind of dog we choose. Theories are that living and working together in such close proximity across all those eons brought about a development of social communicative skills between our two species. In other words, you are who you pet.
Of his findings, Dr. Workman said: “We might be able to make predictions about someone’s personality based on the breed of dog that they choose to own. It seems that likely that personality types are subconsciously drawn to certain breeds.”
Let Fido Lead You to Love
Dog breed classifications differ between the British and the American Kennel Clubs but a little research on our end helped to clarify his research a bit. For instance, remember that cute little Yorkie I mentioned earlier? Long thought to be the airhead’s pet of choice, Workman’s discovery was that owners of Toy-type dogs (and Sport breeds, such as the Golden Retriever) tended to be more conscientious and agreeable, with Toy owners additionally open to new experiences. Beagle and other Hound owners led the pack in emotional stability while outgoing, extroverted individuals are drawn to four-legged friends in the Herding group like collies and shepherds.
Having revealed what science aka British academia says about the subject, it only seems fair to offer you a view from this side of the pond: What does the The Dog Whisperer say? Either way, the new big secret to success a’la amour could be what kind of dog you love. Pucker up and whistle, fellas.
Television, tabloids and true crime novels tell tales about the nitty-gritty hard-boiled characters who ferret out secrets: the private investigator. The 1920’s and 30’s were the golden age of tough, fictional P.I.’s; Philip Marlowe, Sam Spade: fedora sporting, trench coat wearing ‘dicks’ who were easily swayed to slap shoe leather for a dame in distress.
Times have changed. The information superhighway is much easier on the soles and with the advent of digital cameras and truly tiny spy devices, just about anybody can get a license. This new golden age is all about the spendable kind.
A Private Investigator Can Save Your Divorce Bacon
If you can afford one, hiring a private investigator during a messy divorce might be a smart way to go. Is a spouse suspected of nefarious activities? An affair? Neglect or abuse? Hiding assets? If true, any of these accusations can and will have a profound impact upon the outcome of your divorce proceedings, assuming, of course, you are the injured party. Suspicions of such behavior alone are worthless.
Unless the extramarital congress was caught on the JumboTron during the Super Bowl you will need more grounds for belief. In a judicial trial the participants are bound by something called “burden of proof”. What this means is to have – to provide to the court – evidence that supports the facts of what you suspect. Evidence that a judge can look at or listen to and decide whether or not he believes that yes, infidelity is or was taking place or there is a secret offshore account in the Caymans to which you are entitled a portion. In other words, can you actually prove “beyond a reasonable doubt” that what you say is the truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God? That proverbial picture worth a 1000 words just may be worth a lot more than that.
What You Get From a PI
So what exactly does a private investigator do? Basically, they gather facts. Many specialize in specific areas like intellectual property, employee background checks, workman’s comp and insurance cases, business practice investigation and skip chasing – finding people who owe other people money, property or services.
Those who handle domestic work primarily tend to limit their investigation to public record searches and conducting surveillance. The former is tedious and time consuming, the later, following people without them noticing, while obtaining surreptitious photographs is not as easy as you might think and once again, runs up a good many billable hours.
Hours that average around $50 US per and can run up over a $100.00. Some will quote you a flat fee for a single service if say you wanted to find out the background of the guy your wife is seeing. Bear in mind that some good public record databases, archives and publications have a hefty subscriber search fee. An investigatory agency will recoup the cost of these annual charges as a business expense through the course of a year’s worth of clients. All of the financial details can be explained and arranged during a sit down with the investigator when you meet to outline your needs. It is important to be as honest and forthright as possible. The more information they have, the better they can produce results for you. Respectively, you can ask to be provided with a detailed accounting of the charges invoiced to you.
Manage Your Expectations
Before you rush off to Google ‘private investigators in my area’ there are a few things you need to be aware of. First of all, forget everything you’ve learned about the private detectives portrayed on crime shows and in movies. Licensed, professional P.I.’s are bound by law. They cannot, for instance, sneak into your wife’s house and copy financial records or snap in flagranti pics in the middle of the night. They cannot, in a majority of states, tap phones or obtain information by what is called ‘pretexting’ – which has nothing to do with sending a message on a cell phone. Obtaining information using a ruse, for example, putting on a uniform, carrying a toolbox and gaining entrance to a private residence or business is considered doing so under pretext and will land both you and your investigator in legal hot water. By hiring him or her you become just as legally culpable.
If you have or are retaining an attorney, chances are they already work with one or several investigators. If not, the smartest thing to do is seek out a licensed, experienced and reputable professional.
Know someone with a sneaky spouse?
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For some men, grocery shopping is akin to having a tooth pulled: a dreaded experience to be delayed as long as humanly possible. You put off going until you can’t stand the pain or, in this instance, the cupboard is so bare that the mice have moved out. At least the dentist has anesthesia. But guess what? We’re about to give you some (pain) killer advice to take the “ouch” out of food shopping for you and your wallet.
Grocery Shopping 101: Make a List
Let’s start with the one absolute essential: a list. A list is important for several reasons, not the least of which is actually coming home with what you went for in the first place. In his book Why We Buy: The Science of Shopping, psychologist and market researcher Paco Underhill writes that supermarkets are “places of high impulse buying… Fully 60% to 70% of purchases there were unplanned.” Honestly, I can’t even begin to count the number of times I went to get one or two things, got neither one and brought home three or four “unplanned” sacks. Golden Grocery Shopping Rule numero uno is know before you go.
Store Loyalty Cards
All the big chain stores have phone apps and customer loyalty or reward cards, and you should have one! The app for our favorite local store, Smith’s, has a built in list and loads digital coupons to your card. Kids need shampoo or a notebook for school? If they have the app, you enter your loyalty card number and they can add what they need to the list from their own phone or device like an iPad mini. (Beware the “soda” and chips requests….)
There is most definitely a science to shopping, which grocery stores use to their advantage. When it comes to “getting your money”, nothing is left to chance. Familiarizing yourself with your local store is both a time and money saver.
The stores themselves aren’t just randomly laid out; there are carefully researched psychological reasons for everything – from the placement of aisles and specialized areas for things like produce and meats to how packages are specifically placed on the shelves, counters and racks.
Store brands, bulk and discounted items are down near the floor because things on the bottom shelf typically get overlooked by a majority of shoppers. Why? Because that two-thirds majority often wear skirts in which they avoid bending down. Nowadays guys are cutting into those numbers and grocery stores know it.
The next time you go in, take a peek at the books and magazine rack (near the front by the cash registers where those in line are more likely to pick them up). The Times they are a changing’. Once filled with romance novels, Women’s Day and Cosmo, you are just as likely to find books by Clive Cussler and Steve Berry right alongside Wired and GQ today. The traditional image of a female dominated, domesticated shopping environment is fading. All of this makes it easier for you to be a shopping king!
Men Are Savvy Shoppers
Men armed with just a few insider tips, like we’ve given here, actually make better shoppers. They tend to overlook the marketing tactics that females fall for. Researchers discovered that given a choice between two identical items, women will almost always pick up the one with the most eye-catching packaging, even though it cost more.
The attention grabbing item for men is typically meat and in that department, more often than not, guys make better, more practical choices. On the other hand, men average a lot less time in the store and spend more money. Golden Grocery Shopping Rule number two: slow the heck down! Take time to smell the roses in the floral section and leave less of your own green stuff behind. Or grab a seat at the increasing number of in-store coffee and sandwich bars opening up.
Once upon a time, grocery stores wanted you to shop hungry, believing you’d buy more. Why not use what they already order in bulk in a different way? Customers can buy freshly prepared food to enjoy instantly and the ingredients to take home later. Of course, this isn’t an example of saving a lot of money, but it is a great way to strike up a conversation with the redhead at the next table! You could tell her about Golden Grocery Shopping Rule number three…
The Secret Power of Unit Pricing
Every box, bag, can, carrot or egg carton has a ‘cost per unit’ label located either on the shelf beneath it or attached to the bulk bin and rule number three is to never buy anything without at least glancing at it. This little gem is the single most over-looked shopping tool consumers have at their disposal. It displays the item’s individual barcode, utilized by dozens of apps that can tell you everything from ingredients and allergy info, whether a coupon is available, best local price and MSR to whether or not the manufacturer is on a boycott list somewhere.
Don’t get me wrong, the barcode information is fantastic, but for now we’re interested in the tiny little box in the lower left-hand corner: the unit price. This is where the rubber meets the road, so to speak. The real truth in advertising! Is that sale price really the best price?
Your first task is to define the unit. This might say “per ounce” or even “per sheet” – in the case of paper towels. How is this useful? In about two seconds you can determine how much more you pay for a name brand product compared to the store brand. It tells you that the great deli cheese on sale is actually cheaper than the prepackaged stuff in the dairy case. More is less? You bet! The price you pay for that larger jar of mayo may appear higher, but the cost per ounce is significantly lower. Getting into the habit of quickly scanning the unit price of surrounding items saves you money and takes mere seconds.
Let Someone Else Do The Shopping
Did you know that more and more stores let you shop online and simply stop in to pick up your order? Stores like Walmart and Kroger are offering this service at no additional cost to the customer.
You get to select your items, including review unit pricing, and schedule a time to stop by for pickup. Some stores will even load the car for you. You can’t beat this option for time saved, convenience, and the money saving benefit of avoiding impulse purchases, since you aren’t setting foot in the store.
Have you tried online grocery services yet? Let us know what you think in the comments below.
Know any guys who need help shopping?
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