Advice for Men on Thriving Financially After Divorce

Without a doubt, going through a divorce can turn your world upside down. Divorce can wreck havoc on your emotions, your health … and your finances. Going from two incomes to one will certainly affect your monthly household income and perhaps your quality of life. You will be paying all of the bills by yourself with your income alone. While none of that sounds appealing, there is some good news. Thriving financially after divorce is not only possible but its achievable. While it takes some adjustment and some effort, you can regain control of your life and finances and thrive financially. Here are a few tips to thriving financially as a divorced man.

Expect a Lifestyle Change and Adjust your Expectations of Thriving Financially

More often than not, your standard of living will drop for a year or more following a divorce. While it may seem obvious, many people who are going through a divorce do not prepare themselves financially or emotionally for the changes. If you expect and come to terms with how your life may look temporarily after divorce, you can be proactive and remain in control of your post-divorce finances. Try to remember that it isn’t permanent. You’ll be back on your feet and able to regain you previous financial lifestyle again in the future.

Create a Budget and Stick to It

Perhaps you already had a budget when you were married. If so, then you’ll simply need to adjust the numbers. But if you didn’t have to budget as a couple, you’ll need to create a budget now and stick to it. Budgets are a great tool for thriving financially no matter what your marital status, but they are even more important as a single man.

Creating a budget may sound like a daunting task, especially if you have never done one before or if your ex-wife was the keeper of the money in your marriage. But budgets don’t have to be complex. Effective budgets are actually quite simple. They simply balance the money you have coming in each month with how much you spend each month.

The first step is to make a list of all of your income following your divorce. Next, make a list of all of your known expenses (mortage or rent, utility payments, debt, insurance, car note etc). Remember to include items such as alimony and child support in either income or expenses as applicable to your unique situation. After you know how much money is coming in and how much money is leaving each month, you should know exactly how much is left over. The leftover money should be allocated to paying off debt, saving, retirement, your children’s education and entertainment expenses.

After you have your monthly budget created, all you have to do is simply stick to it. Unfortunately, this is often the toughest part. Remember to keep up with your budget each month and adjust as necessary until you find the right fit. Check your budget before making purchases to ensure you aren’t going over in any category.

Be Realistic about the House

When there are two incomes flowing in, you and your ex were able to afford the two story brick home on a cul-de-sac lot. But without her weekly paycheck, is it feasible to stay in the house by yourself? No matter how much you love your home or want to stay there for the kids, it may not be realistic to remain in the home if you want to thrive financially. Take a good hard look at the numbers and make a wise decision on who (if either of you) remain in the family home. It may make more sense to sell or rent the home and live somewhere a little less expensive. No matter how much equity you may have in the house, that equity will not pay the mortgage payment each month.

Pay Down your Debt

Paying off any debt that carried over from your divorce is an important piece of thriving financially as a newly single man. Debt (especially the lines with high interest) can drastically impact your ability to save and spend money. Debt can impact your financial freedom for many years.

If you have debt in your name, make a list of everything you owe along with the interest rate you pay on that line of debt. Look back at your budget to determine if you can cut back in certain areas in order to pay additional money towards your debt each month. Start by paying extra towards the debt with the highest interest rate and working your way down the list until all of your debt is paid off. It may not be as much fun as buying a new boat, but paying off your debt will drastically improve your lifestyle in the future.

Save for Retirement

When you were married, you probably had a good idea of how much you were saving for retired life together. Now that you’ve been through a divorce, it is time to reevaluate how you will fund your retirement without a spouse. Run the numbers yourself or ask a financial planner how much money you should be saving in order to retire at a comfortable level. While money may be tight following a divorce, it is important to put some amount away for retirement. You may have to start small, but even small amounts contributed to a retirement account will build interest over time. Resist the urge to get rid of retirement savings to make living more comfortable right now.

Don’t Make Impulsive Financial Decisions

Divorce can cause a lot of emotions to surface, and we all deal with those emotions a little differently. It is completely acceptable to be emotional, and it is okay to be hurt. It is okay to grieve. When it comes to dealing with these emotions, hold off on making any major financial decisions until you have dealt with the adjustment of being divorced. While it may feel good to switch jobs and move to a new city or purchase an expensive vehicle, big financial decisions such as these can leave your bank account in bad shape.

Instead of making hurried decisions after a divorce (especially those decisions affecting your financial well being), wait it out six to twelve months and make sure those changes are something that you still want.

Rewrite your Will

Although your will may be the last thing on your mind, your will is a financial document and needs to be updated post-divorce. While your goal is thriving financially after a divorce, you don’t want it all to be for nothing if you pass away. Make sure you have the correct beneficiary designated in your will on on your life insurance. You may be the sole support for your children, therefore these updates are critical. Don’t put them off for another day.

Moving On

A divorced man faces enormous emotional, psychological and financial changes even if he wanted to leave his partner. Divorce brings a lot of change, and thriving financially after a divorce may look a lot different than thriving financially as a married couple. If you are going through a divorce (or considering one), be sure to know your numbers and be proactive financially. If you follow these tips, you should be better prepared for life and money after divorce.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Setting Boundaries with Friends After Divorce

Setting Boundaries with Friends After Divorce

Divorce lawyers are paid big bucks to help divide the assets between husband and wife during a divorce, but one of the most valuable assets is left out of the mix. Who gets to keep the mutual friends? Many couples often find it difficult or nearly impossible to maintain mutual friends following a divorce. The good news is that by setting boundaries with friends, it may be possible to minimize the damage to your close friendships and hold onto the ones that really matter. Divorces are overwhelmingly challenging, and losing your friends is just another loss that’s difficult to deal with. While it may be easier part ways with some friends, there may be others that could turn into a very tough tug-of-war. Creating boundaries with friends may seem like yet another relentless task in the divorce process, but it is essential part of the process if your friendships are to survive.

Setting Boundaries with Friends

While you may rely on your best buds for a listening ear and a shoulder to lean on, it isn’t fair to your friends to bash your ex if they are still friends with her. Doing so can quickly create an awkward situation that may prevent your friendship from continuing. Setting boundaries with friends following a divorce should include an agreement from both parties that no ill words will be spoken about the other partner. Let your friends know that it is okay for them to stop you if you start going down that path. While it is okay to discuss what you are going through, don’t attempt to force your friends to take sides.

Speaking About the Divorce

Divorces can be messy and emotional. You may discover some less than pleasant truths about your wife or things may happen during the divorce that are uncharacteristic of your wife. Just because you are hurt or angry, it doesn’t give you the right to spread personal information around. Setting limits with friends helps to create rules on what can be shared about the divorce. Sharing too much can be hurtful to your ex and hurtful to your friends who still love and care for her. A good rule of thumb is that if you wouldn’t have shared the information before the divorce or in front of your ex, don’t share it with them after the divorce. You will want the same curtesy from your ex.

Mutual Invitations

Who gets to go to Dave and Sally’s wedding? Who can still attend Wednesday happy hour? It can be extremely awkward and uncomfortable for divorced couples to end up at the same social event, especially in the early stages after splitting. While it may have been a no brainer to invite both of you before the divorce, mutual friends need to know how it is going to work following the split. Discuss this with both your ex and your friends and come up with some guidelines. Whether it comes down to taking turns or giving both you and your Ex the option to attend knowing the other may be present or leaving the decision in the hands of you and your Ex, the key is communication. The last thing you want to do is show up to the wedding and see your Ex with another man if you aren’t ready to witness that. And if you know that the two of you cannot get along, it is best for everyone involved to not put yourself into that situation if you can avoid it.

Know that it will get easier over time, and perhaps there will be a future time where you do feel comfortable in social settings with your Ex. This doesn’t have to be a permanent arrangement.

Handling Backlash

No matter how clear the communication was in the beginning, emotions are a big part of any divorce and will likely pop up at some point. You may feel hurt that your friends are spending more time with your Ex than you. Or you may resent them for inviting her to a particular event instead of you. Whatever the case may be, there may be some backlash, and your friends might find themselves on the brunt end of it.

Setting boundaries with your buds and others up front will help prevent these negative feelings or at least help you deal with them when they come up. Let your friends know that both parties will try their best not to drag them into any negativity towards the new friendship arrangements.

Accepting Lost Friendships

The truth is that some of your friendships will naturally end after a divorce, and that’s okay. Don’t try to maintain them all. Perhaps your Ex was closer to certain friends or had friendships long before your marriage. Perhaps some of the friends began through your Ex’s family. These friendships are sometimes better off left with your Ex.

On the other hand, some of your friends may find it too uncomfortable to be friends with both parties after a divorce. Remember that this is awkward for them too. They may naturally pick one side or perhaps both friendships will fade following a divorce. Lost friendships are expected and aren’t a reflection on you.

Recognize When Enough is Enough

No matter how hard you try or how much you want to make it work, sometimes sharing mutual friends creates more stress and tension than is worthwhile. You may feel more negative emotions and experience more unpleasant memories than you wanted to by being around people who used to be a part of your marriage or you may find it difficult to follow the boundaries you set up.

You have to be real with yourself and recognize when enough is enough, at least for awhile. You may need to distance yourself in order to heal for some amount of time before coming back into a friendship. If this happens to you, be honest and open with your friends. You aren’t abandoning your friendship, but you need to prioritize yourself during this trying time in your life.

Make New Friends

Just because you and your Ex have agreed to continue your relationship with mutual friends, do not close yourself off to new friendships. While your mutual friends are important, your life is changing and new friendships may help you adapt to your new lifestyle. Talk to new people, put yourself out there and accept invitations as they come along. New and different people can breathe new life into you and help accelerate the process of starting new.

Setting Boundaries and Sticking to Them

Setting boundaries with friends is the easy part. The more difficult part is sticking to them. Your brain knows these boundaries are logical and necessary, but your emotions may get the better of you and make it difficult to maintain these boundaries. You may feel tempted to ask your friends about your Ex’s personal life or bash her for being late to pick up the kids. It is expected that you’ll slip up every now and then, but start building a healthy habit to respect these boundaries from day 1 … no matter what you feel or how tempting it may be.

Moving Forward

Nearly every aspect of your life will look different following a divorce, and the friendships you once shared with your Ex are no different. Couples who’ve had a tight circle of friends may find it even more difficult. With the correct approach and mindset, you may be able to retain the friendships that you built during marriage. Setting boundaries with friends and sticking to them is essential. Be honest with your friends and yourself about your situation and your emotions, plan accordingly and, above all else, remain respectful of your Ex.

 

 

When You’re Missing the Kids

When You’re Missing the Kids

As if divorce itself isn’t bad enough, when there are kids involved, it’s even worse. In fact, most newly divorced dads would say the hardest part about divorce is missing the kids when they are with the ex-wife. Going to bed without those bedtime romps and kisses every night or waking up to a lonely, quiet house can be extremely tough.

The good news is that you’ll learn to cope with the children being away. You’ll never stop missing the kids, but you can adjust to your new lifestyle. Here are five tips for coping when you miss your kids.

Stop Beating Yourself Up

As a newly divorced dad, it is really easy to blame yourself when aren’t with the kids. After all, you chose or agreed to this divorce, right? You may catch yourself saying things like “I am a horrible father for choosing my happiness over being with my children” or “I chose to be without my kids. I should have stayed even though I was unhappy.” You may feel guilty and selfish now that the reality of shared custody has set in.

Beating yourself up when you are missing the kids isn’t going to do anyone any good. After all, would you rather have the children growing up in an unhappy home? Two separate and happy parents can be better than two unhappy parents together. Remind yourself that choosing divorce in an unhappy marriage is often best for everyone involved, including the kids. Especially if the divorce wasn’t your idea, then you had no choice and shouldn’t beat yourself up.

Keep Yourself Busy When You Are Missing the Kids

Keeping yourself occupied will not only help you pass the time when you don’t have your kids, but it will help pull you out of a slump and begin the process of rebuilding your new life. You’ll have more alone time now so you might as well start to use it and enjoy it.

Fill your calendar with enjoyable activities when the kids are with your ex. Use this time alone to get back into a long-lost hobby or do something for yourself. Read a book, see a movie, focus on your career or learn a new hobby. Treat yourself to something special. As you move on and begin to date again, plan your dating for when you won’t have the kids. This way you will have something to look forward to and focus on during the times your children are away.

Take Care of Yourself

Divorced parents are a little bit like masochists. They feel guilty for having fun or taking care of themselves when they aren’t with their children. But when it comes down to it, you must take care of yourself following a divorce if you want to be able to take care of your children. Taking care of yourself will make you a better father, and it will set a good example for your children. Divorce can lead to anxiety and depression (especially when you’re desperately missing your children), and if you don’t make an effort to take care of yourself, this can spill over to your kids.  So, take the time to get the help and care that you need to make the transition to single fatherhood. Take care of yourself so that you can take care of your children.

Be Flexible with Schedule Changes

Take advantage of every chance you get to spend with your kids. While it may be tempting to say “no” to your ex’s request for you to take the kids an extra night so she can go on a business trip or a date, take the high road and think about what you want. Is your desire to hurt her or cause her grief larger than your desire to get the kids an extra day? Take advantage of the extra time and thank her for it!

Communicate with Your Children

Divorce is tough on children too. They may have similar feelings of anxiety or guilt with the new lifestyle, and they may worry about you when they go to stay with their mother. So, talk to them about it. Let them know you are going to be okay by telling them about your plans. Tell them about the book you are going to read or the old friend you plan to catch up with. Don’t let them see how sad you are when they leave. Take the burden off of them.

When you are missing the kids, you may spend hours wondering what they are up to and if they are okay. The best way to silence the worry is to ask. When you have your kids, ask about their week. Get curious. Ask about their school and their hobbies. Ask about their feelings and how they are doing. Listen to their answers. Just don’t give in to the temptation to ask too much about their mother or criticize her to the kids. The kids don’t need to be in the middle of your relationship trouble.

Enjoy the Time With the Kids

Focus on the time you will have with the kids and don’t obsess about the times you won’t. When you aren’t with your kids, think about the activities you’ll enjoy together when they come back. It doesn’t matter what you do with your kids when they are with you. You don’t have to plan extravagant outings or spend a lot of money. Just enjoy your time together. Listen to their stories, make them giggle, and soak up every moment.

There are lots of distracted parents who don’t take full advantage of the time they have with their children. They turn on the TV or browse their smartphones while the kids play instead of getting down on the floor with them. They work extra hours at work instead of making it home every night for dinner.

Divorced parents, however, typically have more appreciation of the time with their children because it is limited. Sometimes quality is more important than quantity. Focus on what you do have. Be grateful for it.

You’ll Survive

Divorce is tough, and you can expect a period of adjustment after the final decree is entered. There will be days you don’t see your children at all, and it can be easy to focus on how much you are missing the kids. This can lead to even more unhappiness and loneliness.

Remeber, you have the power to decide what to focus on. You can choose to focus on the time you do have together and make the most of the time you are away from them. Divorce changes everything, and part of that change includes personal growth and improvement in relationships – including your relationships with your kids.

While the amount of time you spend with them may decrease, the quality of the time can actually increase. Focus on the positive. It may not make you miss your kids any less, but it can help you cope and adjust to the divorced lifestyle.


(c) Can Stock Photo / krasyuk

Getting Your Life Back on Track as a Newly Divorced Dad

Getting Your Life Back on Track as a Newly Divorced Dad

If you’re newly divorced, you know better than anyone how much life changes once the papers are signed. And those changes are magnified when children are involved. When there are two parents helping out with daily responsibilities, chores can be divided and conquered as a team. Now as a divorced dad, you are probably wondering how you will ever manage the entire household on your own.

Here are a few simple strategies for getting organized and prioritizing so that you can live a fulfilling new life as a single parent

Get it Out of Your Head

Parenting itself can be incredibly overwhelming. Single parenting can be even more so. As a divorced dad, you may be questioning how you will ever be able to juggle it all. Self-doubt may start creeping in right away. Don’t let overwhelm get you down. With a few quick steps, you can organize your to-do list and ensure you are getting the most critical tasks accomplished every day. We all only have 24 hours in a day, so as a divorced dad you must make the most out of each hour

1.     Brain dump.

 The worst thing you can do is keep everything bottled up inside your head. Not only will it weigh you down, but you are likely to forget something important. Instead, it is best to get it all out onto a piece of paper. By doing a brain dump, you’ll be able to get a view of everything on your plate in all different areas of your life. Here is how it works.

a.     Grab a piece of paper (or several) and a pen.

b.     Go somewhere distraction free where you can focus on the task at hand.

c.     Set a timer for 50 minutes.

d.     Start writing. Write down everything that you have going on in your head as far as tasks you need to complete. From the project going on at work to picking up the dry cleaning, no task is too small. Need to plan your daughter’s birthday party or make a grooming appointment for the dog? Want to start taking that CrossFit course at the local gym? List everything.

e.     Keep writing until the timer goes off. If you run out of tasks to write, just sit there and reread your list. You will likely think of more.

 What typically happens during a brain dump is that after 10-15 minutes you will feel as though you are finished, but in reality, you’ve just written the tasks that are most pressing. When you challenge yourself to keep thinking about it, you’ll find that there is much more under the surface. Getting it all out onto a piece of paper will not only help you prioritize what needs to get done, but it will also ease a lot of the stress and anxiety you are likely feeling as a newly divorced dad.

 

2.     Priorities

 Now that you have a long list of tasks covering all areas of your life, you may wonder how you are going to accomplish it all. Here is the bad news: you won’t be able to do it all! We only have 24 hours in the day, and you just cannot accomplish every little thing that you want to. However, there is good news: you don’t need to! The chances are that many of the items on your list are not top priorities. So, how do you know what to prioritize?

Make a list of your top 10 priorities in life. Consider all aspects of your life including physical, mental, career, spiritual, family, and hobbies. Get detailed. Start by listing all of the priorities you can think of, and then narrow it down to the top 10

3.     Automate/Eliminate/Delegate

 Once you have finished identifying your top ten priorities, you will have a built-in filter to go through your brain dump list. Simply ask yourself the question: does this task align with my top ten priorities? If the answer is no, it is time to find a way to automate the task, eliminate the task, delegate the task or at least drastically minimize the amount of time you invest into the task. As a newly divorced dad, you may immediately think this idea will cost money you don’t have. But there are many ways to get creative if you cannot afford to outsource and hire help. Can the kids help out with some of the chores? Is there a way to automate the task (i.e., building out 3-4 advanced grocery lists to rotate between)? Does the task really need to be completed at all?

Utilize an Online Calendar Ap

One of the best tools available to you as a newly divorced dad is a simple online Calendar app such as Google Calendar or Outlook that syncs with your smartphone. Having all of your daily responsibilities and schedule lined out will make it much easier to be in the right place at the right time day after day, especially in the beginning. Here are a few ways to use a calendar to make your life easier

1)    Map out your daily routine in your calendar. Block off times in your calendar for everything that needs to get done on a daily basis. You can get as detailed as you need by including morning routine time blocks, commute times, school drop-offs, meetings and evening events. Live by your calendar.

2)    Set reminders and alerts. By setting alerts on your calendar that syncs with your smartphone, you’ll automatically be reminded when you need to leave home to get your kids to school on time, leave for important meetings and be home in time for the bus drop off in the afternoon. Some calendar apps even sync with map and local traffic apps on your phone and can alert you when to leave based on actual commute time.

3)    Share your calendar with your ex-wife. By sharing your calendar (at least portions of it) with your ex, you can decrease the amount of frustration between the two of you in your new life roles. Everything will be right there on the calendar for both of you to see, edit and add to.

Tweak as you Get Comfortable as a Divorced Dad

In the beginning, you may feel a bit lost and overwhelmed as a divorced dad. But as time goes on, you will adjust to life as a single parent. You may try things that work out great, and you may find that some strategies don’t work for you and your family. Always tweak your schedule, routine and organizational methods as you learn. There is no reason you cannot change the way you are doing things if it makes sense to do so. Ask for input from your kids and optimize your life as you go. The beauty of this world that we live in is that we can change as much as we need to in order to thrive.

 Your life may have just been turned upside down, but that doesn’t mean you have to get lost in the overwhelm. You can have an organized and productive life as a divorced dad with just a few simple steps. Prioritize what is truly important and get rid of the rest, organize your list with a calendar and tweak your routine as often as you need to. Remember that you aren’t in this alone. There are lots of resources and support groups available to you whenever you need them.

 

Related Posts

  • 67
    It’s resolution season. Everyone is working on losing the extra pounds they picked up over the holidays, or quitting whatever vice they failed to quit in 2016. As a divorced dad, my resolution is simple. I want to be a great dad. I'm sure that as you read those words…
  • 65
    Despite what you’ve heard, being a great dad, a Phenomenal Dad, isn’t something you come pre-wired with. You don’t enter a marriage or create a family with the tools you’ll need to successfully raise children. No, when it comes to fatherhood, your gut is worse than useless. You’ll need training.…
  • 64
    Thinking about starting over somewhere else? Take a look at eight good reasons you shouldn't move away from your kids. During a divorce, your kids are often the ones who are affected the most. You and your ex understand why your relationship had to come to an end, but your…
A Modern Man’s Guide to Prenuptial Agreements

A Modern Man’s Guide to Prenuptial Agreements

Talking about prenuptial agreements may seem like the least romantic discussion to have with your bride to be in the weeks or months preceding the big wedding day. I get that. Who starts to plan for a divorce before even saying “I do?” The thought of mentioning the words to your starry-eyed lover may send shivers up your spine, but with more than half of marriages in our country ending in divorce, it may just be the smartest conversation you ever choose to have.

Prenuptial contracts aren’t just for celebrities and millionaires. They make sense for a lot of everyday couples, and they by no means increase your likelihood of getting a divorce.

What are Prenuptial Agreements?

Prenuptial agreements (commonly referred to as prenups) are legal contracts made by a couple before they get married covering the ownership of assets should the marriage end in divorce. Without an official prenuptial agreement, the state will determine who owns everything following the divorce, up to and sometimes including the property and assets you owned before you were marriedWho Needs a Prenuptial Agreement?

Couples all over the financial spectrum are turning to prenuptial agreements, and they are becoming increasingly popular. There are many situations that a marrying couple may benefit from a prenup. Here are just a few:

You have children from a previous marriage or relationship.
  • If this isn’t your first marriage or if you have children from another woman, you can use a prenup to spell out legally what those children will receive in the case of your death or divorce. Without that agreement in place, your spouse may be entitled to claim a large percent of your property which would leave your children with much less. If you have children from another woman, a prenuptial agreement may be the only way you can protect their inheritance.
You (or your fiancée) has debt.
  • Debt is an unfortunate reality for many people. Whether you or your fiancée is carrying debt from a previous marriage, college education or another reason, that debt could be at least partially transferred to you in a divorce. Prenuptial agreements protect you from your partner’s debt and vice versa.
You own a business.
  • Divorces can get messy when it comes to the division of a business. Your spouse may get rights to part of your business in the divorce, including the right to sell her portion to the highest bidder. Prenuptial agreements can lay out exactly what rights your spouse has to your business (if any) should your marriage fail.
You (or your spouse) sacrificed your career to support your partner.
  • If you or your future wife has chosen to give up or modify your career to support the other person, a prenuptial agreement can ensure that you (or your spouse) be compensated in a fair manner following a divorce.
You want to avoid arguments in the case of divorce.
  • We all know that divorces are commonplace, and we have all heard the horror stories that ensue when couples fight over money, property and other assets. Prenuptial agreements can help you avoid arguments and potentially lots of money and time in court by making these decisions before the start of heated divorce battles. A prenup can help you get back on your feet a lot quicker if a divorce occurs.

What Prenups DO NOT Cover

Prenups are for property issues in the case of divorce. They do not cover personal preference such as which partner will clean the toilet or pick the kids up from school. And if you try to include such items, the court may throw out your entire agreement. Requirements for prenuptial agreements vary from state to state, and you should always check with your local laws or with an attorney to make sure your prenup is valid.

In most states, a prenuptial agreement will not hold up in court if it:

1)      Encourages divorce or incentives divorce

2)      Waives right to alimony or spousal support

3)      Determines child custody or child support

4)      Was not officially agreed to by both spouses in writing

If you are considering a prenuptial agreement, you may want to speak with a family law attorney to make sure your agreement meets the letter of the law. There are many qualified attorneys in most areas, so take your time and find one that meets your needs.

How to Talk to your Future Spouse about a Prenup

No one likes to talk about divorce, especially before you even get married. You may be dreading the conversation with your bride to be, but it doesn’t have to lead to an argument. Here are a few tips to having a successful conversation regarding the decision whether to have a prenuptial agreement.

  • Start early. While you may not want to bring up the prenuptial agreement discussion on the same day you propose, don’t wait until the night before the wedding either. If you want a prenup, bring it up early. It may take some time to address and maneuver through the emotional and technical issues that come up. Take the pressure out by starting the process early.
  • Decide the terms of the prenup together. If you come to your spouse with a pre-drafted prenup, she may get defensive right away. Instead, treat the document like a collaboration so that both sides are on equal ground. After all, this is an opportunity to discuss what each person expects from the marriage.
  • Be honest. If there is something you want from the agreement, own up to it. By being honest, not only are you more likely to get what you want but you also choose to start your new marriage off with trust. Explain the history or your beliefs that make you want the specific terms you desire. The more transparency and honesty you portray, the smoother the process is likely to go.
  • Listen to your fiancee’s thoughts and concerns. Your partner will probably have a slightly different perspective than your own. Being open and truly sensitive to her needs will make the prenup process (and marriage as a whole) better. Listen with your heart and be creative about solutions to any disagreements.
  • Be flexible. Your life today may look a lot different than your life the day you choose to get a divorce. Make sure your prenup is flexible enough to account for anything that may happen in the future. For example, your spouse may give up her career to raise children or take over most of the business responsibility. Come up with terms in your prenup that allow for change.

A prenuptial agreement may be the last thing on your mind as you prepare for an upcoming marriage. These agreements tend to come with a negative connotation – as if you are giving up on your marriage before it even starts. However, divorce is a reality for more than 50% of marriages in America today, and prenuptial agreements are becoming more popular than ever.

Think of them as an insurance policy. You have it for protection, but you hope you never have to use it! In fact, discussing a prenuptial agreement is one way to start your marriage off with open communication. You never know – it may just put your marriage at better odds of never needing one!

Related Posts

  • 64
    Prenuptial agreements aren't sexy or fun. But, they can save you time, energy, and a whole lot of money if your marriage ends in divorce.
  • 51
    While no couple walks down the aisle intending to one day sign divorce papers, it is common for marriages to end in divorce. Maybe you went into it with unrealistic expectations, rushed into marriage without really getting to know your spouse, or experienced a catastrophic life event that changed you…
  • 47
    Getting divorced is a stressful process. Facing the prospect of going into a courtroom to divide assets and time with children can force you to look at your life through a new lens. Have you ever considered what will happen to your property if you were to die unexpectedly? What…