What Do I Say to My Son on His Wedding Day? Inspirational Words to a Strong Man on His Big Day

What Do I Say to My Son on His Wedding Day? Inspirational Words to a Strong Man on His Big Day

Well son, soon you’ll be married. Just seeing those words on the page fills me with a mix of emotions that surpasses my ability to sort them all out. Where do I begin to express everything I want to say? All I want you to know about life, about marriage? About loving someone for the rest of your life? So, what do I say to my son on his wedding day?

Of course, I realize that my best opportunity to convey all these things has already passed. I had my chance to teach you by example. All those years as you grew up, there were days, weeks, and months where I could demonstrate in real life how to be a good spouse; a good parent. And I did. I did my best. Not every day was a success, obviously. Okay, some days were total disasters.

But here we are now. And I just feel like there are some things that still need to be said from a parent to a child; well, from me to you, specifically. So, here goes. (Forgive me if you’ve heard some of these things before. Surely by now you’re used to me repeating myself.)

Think More of Her, and Less of Yourself

When confrontations occur, and they will, big egos can spell disaster for a marriage. This is something I’ve learned from personal experience. If you let your ego take over, it will eat away at your marriage from the inside out. Big egos make the owner of the ego push their side of an issue during an argument when, in fact, they should just let go. A big ego can make one ignore the signs that really hurt their partner. Big egos make people do really stupid things like deny that they made a mistake, or deny them the ability to say they’re sorry. This isn’t to say you need to think less of yourself. Not at all. But humility is a fine attribute that will give you the opportunity to build a stronger marriage.

Little Things Really Matter

Small, loving gestures are meaningful to your partner. And, so are small, irritating habits. It’s important not to overlook the little things in a marriage. Things like not drinking out of the milk jug if it really bugs your wife. Things like bringing home a bouquet of flowers “just because.” Things like putting the car keys in the same place every night, and turning the lights off in the room when you leave. The small, loving gestures are a gentle reminder to your wife that you truly love her. But the small, irritating habits can also make her think you really don’t care. The truth is, they both have meaning, and they both matter.

The Laundry Can Wait

As your marriage grows, try not to get bogged down in the day-to-day routine of life. It’s easy to get caught up in domestic chores and daily tasks that rob you both of the joys of marriage. Yes, the garbage has to be taken out, the laundry has to be done and dishes have to be washed. But, if you’re not careful, these chores can take over your whole lives. This is especially hard when you own a home. Now you have this big “thing” you have to take care of. Leaves to rake, garden hoses to untangle, a new furnace install. Let me tell you something. As much as you might enjoy being a homeowner, over the years these things get boring with a capital B. And, if you’re not careful, you can project that boredom onto your spouse. You grow to mistakenly think she’s the one who’s boring. In reality, she’s probably just as bored as you are.

I don’t know what the answer is to this one. The answer won’t be the same for everyone. Maybe you won’t want to even own a house. Lots of people these days prefer to live in a condo just so they can avoid yard work. Or maybe you’ll be able to afford to pay someone else to take care of some things. Who knows what life will bring you? All I know is, you shouldn’t let domestic chores rob you of the real joys in life. The laundry can wait.

What Do I Say To My Son – Be Consistent

Please do your best to keep your promises. If you tell your wife you’ll pick her up at 2:15, be there at 2:10. Being true to your word is so important in a marriage. It builds trust. It instills a sense of security in the marriage. Imagine if you have a marriage when if you don’t show up, your wife knows without a doubt that something is wrong. People might say to her, “Oh, he probably forgot. You know how men are.” But your wife will say, “Not my husband. If he says he’ll do something he does it. Something must have happened.” Be that guy. Be true to your word. Be dependable. Show up. Be on time. And, show her you care, about her.

Realize Your Own Vulnerabilities

Lots of people will disagree with what I’m about to say. I don’t care. (This is something else you’ll learn when you get older. You care less and less what others think.) You have to realize your own vulnerabilities. Be honest with yourself. You’re a man. Other women will be attracted to you, married or not. You’ll still be attracted to women, even after you get married. (Surprise! You’re human and you’re not yet dead.)

Don’t put yourself in situations where your natural vulnerabilities may cause you to do something stupid. So, here’s what I suggest. Don’t have women friends outside your marriage. It just doesn’t work. Maybe it does work in a small number of cases. But is it worth the risk? Is it worth hurting your spouse when it makes her uncomfortable that you have a standing tennis date with your woman “friend”? Trust me when I say you’re just putting yourself in a tempting situation when you engage in a friendship with a woman outside of your marriage. Maybe it doesn’t seem fair, or maybe you’ll say that your spouse shouldn’t be so jealous. Nevertheless, it’s not good for your marriage.

Say Something. Anything.

You don’t need to be a chatterbox to be a good husband. But engaging in conversation and small talk, anything, just a little something helps tremendously, even when you just don’t feel like talking. In fact, if you cannot engage, then just say, “I don’t feel like talking right now.” That works. But the worst thing you can do, especially in an argument, is to clam up. THAT is infuriating. Try to say something that will give you a little time to think, at least for now. Anything will work. “Can we please talk about this later? I need some quiet time to think.” Or, “I’m busy right now but this is important to me. Can we talk over dinner?” And really, talking later is often better. It allows both of you to calm down, take a break. It prevents you both from saying something you’ll regret later. But, say something; just don’t say nothing.

Touch Her

Stop. You know what I mean. Just a little pat on the shoulder as you’re walking by. A touch to her hair. Holding hands on the couch. These tiny little gestures of physical affection are very meaningful and important to your wife. They’re like an unspoken, “I love you.”

Ask for Help

This might be the piece of advice that will be hardest for you to swallow. Things won’t always be rosy. There will be times when you need help. Don’t be shy about asking for it. You don’t have to be the big, strong, tough guy. You have lots of supportive people who love you and want to help. When things get overwhelming, ask for help. If you hit a rocky patch in your marriage, ask about counseling. Ask your wife to help you understand the problems. When you ask for help, miracles can happen. People are there for you. I’m there for you, too.

What Do I Say To My Son

Honest, it is difficult to know what I should say to my son on his wedding day. Today you will live through a life altering event and there are no right or wrong words for me to say. What do I say to my son? In guess, the last pearl of wisdom I want to bestow on you son is – be humble. Be yourself but be gentle. Like most men, you’re a strong man with strong opinions and strong attitudes. And, in gentleness there is strength. In dealing with your wife, gentleness will reap its own rewards in love and understanding. And you will be the recipient of those rewards if you just treat your wife with love and respect.

God Bless you and may you shower your wife with the love that’s deep in your heart on this momentous day.

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Letter To My Daughter On Her Graduation Sensitive and Inspiring Words from a Divorced Dad

Letter To My Daughter On Her Graduation Sensitive and Inspiring Words from a Divorced Dad

For you, my incredibly amazing, magnificent and beautiful daughter on her graduation from High School, I give this ‘Letter to My Daughter on Her Graduation.’ It was hard to write this then, and still hard to read today. Several years have passed since I first wrote this to you, and as I read it again, I’m struck by how true it still is! It will still be valid in another couple of years, and even more beyond that. You continue to amaze me daily and I’m struck so often by how you “have it!”

Hi. This is your father. Many things below I’ve said to you in person. But I believe important things are best backed up with the written word. Most of this letter is a bunch of stuff you may, or may not, decide is useful. I know when I was graduating high school I didn’t give my father’s advice much thought. But I promise you, if he had written it down for me, I guarantee I would find it valuable today. Hopefully you’ll find a few nuggets buried in this letter to my daughter now and later.

You’ll excuse me for overstepping my boundaries if you feel I have in writing it down. Since I can’t buy you a car for graduation or fly you around the world as a present when you turn 18 soon (both things I’d love to do, but alas, it ain’t gonna happen), what I can do is this. I can write a letter to my daughter. Sure, I can write you a letter any time, but I’ve decided to pour out what I consider to be the real morsels of truth in life. I’ve found these over the years, with most coming from pain and wrong choices. You’ll make those too, but maybe this letter will help you avoid the ones I made so you can go make your own, less painful ones.

To My Daughter

So… here’s the most important stuff (read this next paragraph if nothing else, please):

In all the time you have been on this planet, I have loved you more than words will ever express. You are my daughter, and I am amazed by you. Always and forever. I wish I had more to offer you than simply my pride and love, though I hope they will suffice in this moment. I’m truly in awe at what a smart, sweet, kind, caring and optimistic young woman you have become. You are quite simply the best thing that ever happened to me, and I’m really glad you’re here. I love you. Looking good, kiddo!

Now, on to the graduation address…

That I am sitting here writing to you on the eve of your high school graduation and a month before your official status as a young adult has me simply flabbergasted. I could not possibly have prepared for this day, and yet here it is. What I find more odd is how vivid my memories are of my own graduation and then later your birth. I can still see you as you were before school began for you, when the world is full of wonder. And now you are about to set out on the next chapter. I can’t describe the joy and sadness that swirl in my emotions.

You are a young lady now, hardly the small child of my memories. I haven’t the foggiest notion of how to really talk to you, though it is absolutely my honor, privilege and duty to keep trying, for as long as I live.

Truth told, I’ve never considered myself a very good father, and in many ways I’ve been simply lousy. I’m sorry is about all I can really offer. The older you get, the older I get, the more likely the struggles of my adult life will become things you know more about, and in so doing, will likely shift some of the distance between us, though it will never excuse the places where I failed you. For this, all I can do is say I’m sorry and ask for your forgiveness.

Of course, there are also many little things that I have had a part of along the way that have certainly helped shape the fine young woman you are today. I’d like to think that some of the adventures, people and places I have shown you had an impact, and that my family has had some positive growth for you as well.

Your mother and I made a deal a long, long time ago that no matter what happened, we would always do our best to teach you about the world as best we could without disparaging the other. I think it served you well. I hope it did. It wasn’t easy, for either of us.

Somehow, I missed the part where you stopped being a little girl and started becoming a young adult, and it definitely happened along the way. The young woman I see before me is really an amazing person, and I want to do everything in my power to help ensure she stays that way.

So, I’ve been watching you for awhile now, and I’d like to offer some insight into the world you are about to enter. There are things your father still knows that you do not. There are some pieces of advice you’re unlikely to hear from anyone else, and some of them may piss you off a bit, but if I don’t tell you, no one else will, and forewarned is forearmed.

Know that first and foremost, what I want for you is a joyous and happy life filled with love, friendships, adventures, learning and growing. I also know that there are going to be tough days. I hope you’ll count on me as a voice of reason and wisdom as you grow into adulthood.

Know also that no matter what anyone ever says, you are perfect just exactly as you are. You’re never going to be too short, too fat, too dark, too weak, too dumb, or anything else that people may come along and tell you that you are. Surround yourself with people who remind you of how awesome you are, and avoid the ones that don’t. The only person you need permission from, from now on, is you.

I hesitate to say this part, and I think it is necessary. The world is sometimes cruel and evil people really are out there. You have been incredibly blessed so far that perhaps the worst hardship you have endured is your father’s lack of presence. I’m not aware that you have broken any bones, required surgery or had any close friends die on you or really fuck their lives up horribly while you had to watch. While I truly don’t know what personal struggles you have overcome (though I do know that you have a perseverance about you that is admirable, and that simply learning itself has been a life long challenge for you, and may well continue to be), what I do know is that you really have lived a fairly sheltered life compared to what many children in this world endure. There are a great many “bad” places on this planet, and I hope you’ll steer well away from them, or enter only safely with a good guide. I mean this as much about real, physical places and people as I do about bad decisions and poor judgment, your father being somewhat of an expert on bad decisions and poor judgment.

Your conservative father is deeply concerned that you may not give enough credence to the idea that capable as you are, you are also diminutive, attractive and generally optimistic. While these are cherished things, they are also traits a bad person will try to capitalize on. I don’t want you to be afraid of the world in any sense, and I do want you to be prepared.

My second really important point I want to get through to you is this: There is a huge, amazing world out there, too. Go see it.

You aren’t in a hurry, of course, and I don’t want to see you wasting a minute of your life longer than you have to here. There is an entire planet out there, and you should strive to see as much of it as you can. My largest regret in life is that I didn’t take advantage of the opportunities presented to me to travel in my youth. I got scared and stayed put. Don’t let your fear of the unknown keep you from travelling abroad or moving out of state for college.

This point you seem to grasp really well, but I want to say it anyway: Do what makes you happy! Find your passions and do them! They are absolutely the most important real life work you have to do. When you are passionate, you energize others. When you are working with purpose, you show the way. Trust the little voice in your head when it tells you that you should make art, or plant a garden or help someone. It’s a good voice. Too many ignore it, and after some time, they lose it. I can’t imagine how different and wonderful the world might be if more people listened to that good side just every now and then. Be unique and be that one that does!

Lastly for now, (since I expect to write you again at 21 and offer you a few more pieces of wisdom that you would currently call “lecturing”), I want to remind you again of something that is becoming more and more relevant as you mature.

You are a creative person. Unquestionably. So is your dad.

So, please, help me help you.

I don’t know enough about your inside life to really know what to offer, though I am quite certain that I have some answers for you, and I don’t want to pretend I know which ones are relevant. I just hope you’ll still consider asking me when you feel you have a tough one. This old man might know some things. My life hasn’t been easy. I haven’t followed the cookie-cutter path. I’m certainly not perfect. That’s where I can help. If there is one guarantee in this life it is that you will make mistakes and you will fail at something, and actually several things. I know I have. Dealing with it is extremely tough. I can speak to you as one that’s fought through many tough times, and continues to do so. Don’t seek advice from those that just don’t know.

My dearest daughter, all I really want you to know is that you are loved and supported by many.

I am so proud of you.

With Much Love,
Dad

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Erectile Dysfunction In Your Post-Divorce Dating One man's odyssey with impotence, aging and loving

Erectile Dysfunction In Your Post-Divorce Dating One man's odyssey with impotence, aging and loving

On this late evening, women and crying babies are on my mind, which leads me to write about erectile dysfunction, a condition that many of us have and almost none of us talk about.

This was an almost perfect evening, abruptly interrupted by two facts:

  1. A two year old missing her mother is inconsolable after six hours and
  2. I can’t get it up easily anymore.

My Story Right Now

You may have guessed by this article that I am divorced. Maybe that’s part of the issue, still dealing with the stress of that. But it has been a long time since the divorce, and I’ve had many lovers in my efforts to build my life after divorce.

I had my current lover in my bed much earlier tonight when our focus was interrupted by my housemate’s daughter howling and wailing uncontrollably in the front room, as an exasperated babysitter tried fruitlessly to calm her.

Granted, it is certainly understandable to lose your attention in such a predicament, though it really just served as a reasonable excuse for me to mask the second issue, which was the real reason we hadn’t already conducted our coupling an hour or so earlier.

Few men really talk about erectile dysfunction, the condition formerly known as impotence. There are rampant commercials speaking to erectile dysfunction, but not really about erectile dysfunction. Various ideas are thrown about and quick fix solutions are only a doctor’s prescription or an easy diet change away. And if it lasts more than four hours, call your bookie. Seriously, though, at this point in my life I feel that at least three prior relationships were ruined because of this problem, and I stand at an invisible precipice with my current lover that is disconcerting.

A pattern is emerging, and it starts with my dick and the bad messaging in our society that I have somehow gotten into my psyche (and perhaps more importantly, permeating the psyches of potential long term mates) about my ‘performance’ abilities.

Is It New Or Been A Problem For Some Time

I’ll have it known, perhaps only for my own ego and edification, that I am a wonderful lover. I have years of training with dozens of women that have shown me the glories and wonders of the female form in many of its incarnations, and I have delighted in them all. I like slow, long, sensual exploration; I’m well versed in massage, have been told many times I’m a great kisser, and I have a lovely bag of tricks to unveil over time with a willing partner.

What I don’t seem to possess right now is a dick that responds by mere thought, not taking its sweet time to warm up to touch. I have tried various holistic approaches to overcoming this erectile dysfunction deficiency. Blackberries, salmon, avocados, oysters and almonds, while all tasty and healthy, also did nothing for me. Of course, trying these foods and hoping for results only confirmed what I already knew. For me, it’s not about blood flow or testosterone; it’s about feeling connected. No diet will change that.

Two Possible Problems with Erectile Dysfunction

Where the commercials apply their focus is on the blood flow issue. As men age, our blood vessels become weaker for a myriad of reasons, such as poor exercise, buildup of cholesterol or both. The medicines work to solve this issue. Sildenafil and Tadalafil are the most common ones available.

Sildenafil widens the blood vessels and lower the blood pressure. As a result, the hydraulics of our dicks work easier. The effect is somewhat short lived, about 4 hours, but that’s enough time to take care of business. And the onset can be as fast as 30 minutes.

Tadalafil was not originally targeted to help with erectile dysfunction, but through its enzyme inhibitor testing, a common side effect to this heart medicine was erections. The scientists recognized this as a helpful side effect and this medicine was released as a daily option, with its effects lasting about 24 hours, as opposed to Sildenafil’s 4 hour effect.

For many, applying these drugs to the blood flow side of the equation fits their need and they are happy. For some, though, like me, the problem is deeper.

Heart Driven Sex (and not the flow)

Unfortunately for me (and them), it seems we place a huge emphasis on an erect penis. Since I developed this basic problem, well over 20 years ago now (that my cock doesn’t jump to attention when my brain is horny), I have had numerous short-lived encounters, because there wasn’t a second date, or they expected me to act upon them when what I actually require of my partners is the opposite.

Do the pills help? Sure, but I’m not in it. I’ve just got a rod there for the job and that’s all.

I have heard this preference as a ‘feminine heart’ where the partner prefers to be acted upon rather than to act. See, here’s the thing; my Johnson actually works just fine, IF you turn me on. I masturbate on a regular enough basis to be certain I still possess a life below and I have had at least as many positive encounters over these past decades as negative ones. There is always something to be said for basic chemistry and compatibility, too.

Still, my best consistent lovers have had one thing in common; a tremendous patience and genuine deep affinity developed over time. And therein lies the rub…

Just Sex, Or Something More?

See, I certainly appear to be a normal guy and, in everything outside the bedroom, I am clearly a dude and a fairly dominant one at that. I exhibit tendencies of a man who knows himself and his world and is competent in it. I like to be in control in my environment.

So, it certainly leads that women I attract have expectations that my behavior in the bedroom should be aggressive, dominant and, well, manly. The problem is that most women in our culture are taught sex as an act of being dominated and penetrated and objectified, and over time develop exactly the opposite expectations that I have.

In blunt, simple terms; I want to make love to a women and most women I encounter just want to fuck. Truth told, I just don’t fuck that well anymore. There seems to be a disconnection between mind and body, along with the fact that I’m just not 19 anymore. While my mind is desperately fucking you like that wild animal I was in my youth, my Willie just isn’t whistling the same tune these days. I am slipping into late middle age and my desires have become much more intimate than physical. In fact, it would seem the physical aspect only responds when my spirit is properly nurtured. This really sucks when I’m with a new person and trying to find out if we groove.

I lose what I consider to be potential mates after my particular tendencies are unveiled, either in the first sexual encounter or soon thereafter, if chemistry somehow initially overcomes my usual disconnections. Frankly, this alone is enough for me to really want to go get those little blue pills. I do know that I can cheat and make erectile dysfunction vanish. I’m just not sure I want to, especially at something as important as creating good intimate relations with my partner.

Thing is, at a deeper level, I feel like perhaps erectile dysfunction is some sort of built in protection for aging men that our society doesn’t view correctly. I understand that if I cheat by taking artificial stimulants then I may be capable of performing even when I feel no connection. I’m fairly certain that is a bad way to start, since my partner is going to believe that I am responding to her when actually I am just going through the motions (pleasurable as they might be).

For Me, I Want More Than Sex

I have come to the realization that, at least for me, it’s not that it doesn’t work. It’s just that I don’t give a fuck how sexy you look anymore (well, I do, but not nearly as much as I once did; and the size of the hips of the women I consider attractive has generally expanded through age, as I did) as much as I really want to know if you’ll stick around. Finding a sexual partner in this world of hookup sites and instant messaging is really fairly easy; finding a suitable companion is not.

I was frustrated with all the push to just hook up when dating after divorce.

This makes a sort of evolutionary sense in later adult life. If an adult man chooses his latter life partners based on the same criteria he had as a youth, he would inevitably choose poorly. Erectile dysfunction (our accepted clinical definition) is the male equivalent of menopause in women. Our reproductive interest is waning, even if our mental capacity for even deeper intimacy continues to evolve. We have accumulated more experiences and therefore have even deeper biases for what we appreciate and what we recognize as unsustainable to long term healthy relations.

The Truth

Perhaps (and to my chagrin) the truth is that we aren’t supposed to be competitive in the mating arena in later life. If we do manage to find a partner at this stage it would be to help us not die alone, after all, and that hardly requires sexual prowess or the absence of erectile dysfunction. Of course, the other thing we have to offer is our companionship, which can be a real asset to a younger woman seeking to learn wisdom from us elderly statesmen. As an older man, this is far more interesting to me than finding someone to sleep with. I want someone to talk to, someone who will appreciate me whether my body works or not, since I have the wisdom of experience to know that a shared life is much more about intimacy than sex.

In base terms, men my age who aren’t already in long term relations face a difficult enough challenge in finding a suitable partner without having to also be concerned with performance. Yet, this is the criterion most women use. Well, young women. So, we have to overcome our disadvantage with artificial means just to compete in this society. I think it’s a mistake. We should be willing to wait for a partner who understands all this and embraces it. The irony is that I would spend the rest of my life savings on those little pills if I knew that my partner already accepted me without them.

That’s my issue in a nutshell, or at least a very large nutshell. For many of my friends, though, the problem is purely in the pumps and lines, like having older plumbing in your home that has clogged over time. After all, these pipes aren’t that large. And if we’re worried about clogging the big ones near the heart with our love of red meat over decades, it stands to reason that we likely clogged the little lines at the extreme ends of the system. Unfortunately, those are in our dicks. Fixing those pipes so you can connect with your lover is fantastic, nothing worth shame, and we should all stand behind the need!

The Solution

I’m not going to say that solutions to erectile dysfunction don’t exist or that I shouldn’t be using them to ensure I can always perform for a potential partner. I’m saying that perhaps we shouldn’t be in such a rush to jump into bed and that maybe the ‘problem’ with our penis is really an opportunity in disguise. I’m going to continue to see my dysfunction as a chance to find out where I really stand before entangling myself, simply because I can. I deserve a lover who makes me respond without having to resort to medication. I can’t know this without taking the risk of being honest about my condition up front. So, my decision is to accept this as part of who I am now, and to hold onto the belief that my next long term partner will appreciate me all the more for my willingness to take it slow.

Then again, my advice to you; maybe you should just go get those pills. I’m probably an idiot.

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Crawling Back from Divorce Getting on With It and Starting Over

Crawling Back from Divorce Getting on With It and Starting Over

For a man, divorce is never easy. Crawling back from divorce and starting over to begin a new life offers an even greater challenge. I came to learn a lot about myself in the process, and here are a few things I’ve learned which might be helpful to any man going through a divorce.

  1. Divorce is a scar on the existing stability of society. It destroys families and leaves both marriage partners stunned, bewildered and confused for years afterwards. If you think a man is the only one feeling the heartache and trauma of a divorce, this is not true. She is feeling the same way. It may be disguised in a pout or a look of indifference if you happen to see her on the street or in a restaurant with her friends after the divorce, but she is feeling the effects of the divorce the same way you are. She will experience them in those sleepless nights when she is tossing and turning in bed wondering if she did the right thing in letting you go. She will mull over her decision for many years wondering if she did the right thing after the marriage finally ended. However, time heals everything as they say. Time is your best ally because it heals, and healing is what you need to regain the strength, confidence and vitality that was once a very intricate part of your life. Remember when there wasn’t a thing you thought you couldn’t do. That’s the kind of confidence you need to put back into your life after a divorce.
  2. Never marry a future prospective spouse out of pity, thinking you are the knight on the white charger who can come into her life to change it completely. It will never happen. Many men think they are the principle “Bread-Winner” and it is their responsibility to provide for the woman. They have a good job, financial stability, and a future allowing them the opportunity to move up the ladder in their job and become prosperous. Marriage isn’t all one sided when it comes to money. The woman needs to also share financial responsibility in the marriage. What that means is she needs to work, just like you, and bring in a suitable income so that both of you can have a better life living together. Gone are the days when women believe a man can support them entirely. That will not work. This is the 21st Century, and that sort of thinking went out the door with the Beatles and Rock ‘roll music. Also, and to me this is extremely important, please take time to get to know the person you eventually want to share your life with. Crawling back from divorce takes at least a full year, maybe longer to get to know her. How does she act when faced with a stressful situation? Who are her friends? Are they friends of yours, and will they spread gossip about you behind your back when problems arise in your relationship. Small town gossip, for example, has ruined many marriages where both partners are having difficulty but trying to reconcile their differences but keep getting bad advice from friends or other family members. And finally, how does she regard you after you’ve dated her for several months. Is the bond deepening? Or are you both losing interest? That’s why I believe it is so important to take time to get to know the other person before you jump into marriage. It will pay huge dividends in your future life, especially if you find your eventual soul-mate in the woman you are currently dating. She will be there for you…one to love and support you unconditionally in everything you do
  3. Keep a watchful eye out for any woman who checks you out by asking what you do and how much you earn. In most cases she’s looking for a sugar daddy, a means of financial security which she’s hoping you can provide without her having to contribute much financially during the relationship.
  4. Although this isn’t true in every case (there are exceptions), I’ve seen an attitude in many Western World women which strongly suggests they regard themselves as privileged or entitled. I don’t honestly know what it is, or how to describe it, but you can see it in an attitude, an upturned nose or a faint, disingenuous smile. We all must live in peace and harmony in this world but being around someone harboring a superior attitude is never good for any relationship. I’ve seen too many younger men being, so to speak, led around by the nose, by a spouse who wants to dominate and control everything in the man’s life. And, as a divorcee crawling back from divorce, we are particularly vulnerable to this type of woman. We’ll do nearly anything for love and to find love and acceptance, But, there is a proce to pay. As part of the human species, you have a right to be your own person. So, by all means, avoid this type of mindless, control freak very early in the dating process. You’ll be better off in the end if you do. Again, get to know the person you intend to marry very well before slipping a ring on her finger.

Crawling back from divorce

I now live in Bangkok, Thailand, happily married for the past 17 years to a Thai national. Very early in the relationship, I was friendly, polite, and cordial. I respected her right to live and be herself around me. Her mindset and attitude were typically Thai…filled with a quiet sense of control and calmness I’d never found in any other woman I had ever dated. Not once did she ever give the impression she was privileged or entitled to anything I had. What I offered she was grateful to receive, and let me know many times while we dated. Her parents were well off financially, but she wanted a man in her life she could form an “emotional bond” with and was not out looking for his money. We eventually had a child which helped strengthen the marriage. Most Thai women are kind, respectful, and supportive of their husbands…especially if they are married to a foreign man and have a child by him. I’m not saying this is the way to go (having a child) but in my case it worked out fine.

  1. If divorced, stay where you are for at least one full year before you more on. You need time to get settled financially and emotionally before leaving town, which I suggest you do to start a new life over somewhere else. If you leave too early, all those old tapes and emotional baggage about the divorce will follow you into your new environment…and you don’t want to do this to yourself. It will only lead to more feelings of angst and depression.

Please remember, you are not alone. There are many divorced men just like you out looking to begin a new life. It can and will happen for you. Play it cool and be more selective about the next woman you meet. If you learn from some of the things I’ve posted here, you can and will crawl back from divorce and start over again much wiser about the next woman entering your life.

Adult Sport Leagues All the fun of childhood after-school sports...plus beer!

Adult Sport Leagues All the fun of childhood after-school sports...plus beer!

For men, sport leagues are often central to memories of growing up. Reminiscing on the camaraderie of a team, snack bar nachos, the thrill of competition, family screaming from the stands, and the exhilaration of a home run, a 3 pointer right at the buzzer or a perfectly placed goal kick — all of these can bring back emotions as fresh as if they happened yesterday.

Sport Leagues Aren’t Just For Kids 

We shed much of our childhood joys as we grow into our adult lives, but playing on sport leagues doesn’t have to be one of them.  Adult leagues from dodgeball (yes, I said dodge ball!) to indoor volleyball, flag football, and more exist in cities and towns all across the country. As the motto of The Las Vegas Dodgeball Society says, “Who says adults can’t have recess?”

Adult sport leagues are great for couples or singles. If you’re looking to bring back that youthful, carefree feeling of playing in a league, but also want to squeeze in more quality time with your partner while doing it, you can have your Twinkie and eat it too.  As a couple, it’s difficult to find activities to do together that are affordable and out of the ordinary “dinner and a movie” routine. Since many adult sport leagues are co-ed, they can give those that are dating or married a chance to bond (or, in other words, get the “we never do anything fun together anymore” nagging to stop), in an active, social environment, all without bloating the budget.

For singles it can be a real score. You can make friends, and find potential love interests, without the pressure and expense of dating.

Relax and Be One of the Guys 

Same-sex sport leagues can be a heaven-sent escape from the stress of work and kids. A softball league, basketball league, or soccer team can be a fun opportunity to grab relief from the responsibilities of family life, and just be one of the guys.

Adult leagues integrate a healthy, active lifestyle, with the fun and games that made team sports such a blast growing up. When compared with being stuck on a treadmill, or the sometimes intimidating and cliquish environment of membership gyms, getting out and smacking some softballs, capturing the flag or dodging balls as they fly at your face, can be a fun, stress-free recreation loaded with health and fitness benefits. Staying active is essential as we age, in order to maintain flexibility, a healthy heart, balance and metabolism. If staying in shape is something that we must do for ourselves, why not make it an entertaining routine you look forward to every week?

The Right Team For You 

Whether indoor or outdoor sports are your preference, and whether you favor serious competition, or more friendly fun, there is an adult league that is right for you. Check online for the sport or recreation that brings back the old thrill of green grass, uniforms, sunflower seeds and pre-game pep talks.

And the best part about adult sport leagues? The post-game pizza comes with beer.


(c) Can Stock Photo / photocreo

My Wife Walked Out : Now What? Keeping yourself out of the post-divorce doldrums

My Wife Walked Out : Now What? Keeping yourself out of the post-divorce doldrums

Yeah, so your wife walked out on you. Or told you to get out, one of the two. Hey, I know the feeling. I’ve been there. One day my wife of thirteen years up and left, leaving myself and our children hanging out to dry. It wasn’t like the signs weren’t there, but you live in hope, right?

I had been working two jobs for the majority of our time together, just so we could get by. I suddenly had to quit one of them after almost ten years for the sake of childcare. (The next week, I got let go at my other one, the “day job,” but that was more coincidence than anything)

And then there were the questions I had to dodge from the kids about where Mom was, keep making excuses because the shock and anger and confusion was so fresh I didn’t know up from down.

The Getting Past It Process

This is really the first step in the whole Getting Past It process – resetting your mental state from Married to Not Married. It’s like the old saying: the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. Once you realize that things are now no longer what they were, it’s easier to move on.

And no, it’s not going to be easy. I know that. There are going to be days you don’t want to go to work, get out of bed, shower, any of that. It’s natural. You just had a total system shock that has disrupted all your routines and functions, and you aren’t going to know what to do next.

This is why it’s important to get your head back into the game of Life sooner than later. If you don’t have your old routines and associations to fall back on, it’s imperative you find new ones of some kind. Humans are generally, by nature, social creatures, even if it just happens to be over the Internet. It is also completely natural to tend to isolate yourself in a time of extreme duress. Or worse, engage in self-destructive behaviors.

Don’t Give In

It’s a little reductive and simplistic to say “Don’t do that,” but, seriously, don’t do that. The temptation to drink until your heart stops may be great, but it never helps anyone. Least of all, you.

The temptation to drink until your heart stops may be great, but it never helps anyone. Least of all, you.

It’s also imperative not to succumb to the sort of bitterness and anger that will accompany events like these. It’s OK to feel this way; in fact, it’s perfectly natural, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. But let’s not let it become the driving force in your life. Yes, Guy Talk sometimes revolves around how the Woman Done You Wrong. But even the most avid sports fans don’t want to talk football 24/7. Likewise, even your best friend doesn’t want to hear about your evil bitch ex from you either. Or worse, see your rage in action against people who more than likely don’t deserve to be on the receiving end of it.

Furthermore, it’s important to not let any of these feelings show with your kids. It had nothing to do with them, so as much as you don’t want to take it out on any innocent bystanders as I said above, that goes triple for your kids. And hey, things will slip out. I’m just as guilty of it too. But moving on also means knowing when you screwed up, and learning from it. If you slag off their mother in front of them, you screwed up. And trust me, you will hear about it at some point.

Really, it’s in everybody’s best interests to move on, and more importantly, move forward, after your wife walked out on you. Yes, it sucks. Yes, there’s messy divorce hearings coming up with custody questions and child support and division of property and division of debt and all that. Which is precisely why moving on sooner, rather than later, will be beneficial to you – you can deal with these problems with a clearer head, without overriding feelings of pain and anger complicating an already complicated process.

Reclaiming Your Life After Your Wife Walked Out

Seriously, go read a book. Write a book. Pick up a hobby (but not too expensive!). Reassess your life, your career. Make new friends. Reconnect with old ones you haven’t seen in a while. Do something for your children. Do something for someone else’s children. Do anything that makes you see a world beyond the point where your wife walked out on you and your family. If nothing else, it’ll get your mind off of it for a little while, and sometimes a little while becomes a long while.

Otherwise… well. You ever watch that show King Of The Hill? Yeah, you know Bill? That’s not a good look on you, man.

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