I get, on average, three offers a week from my online dating profiles. While this may not sound like much at first, I have been online dating for nearing two decades now, so it adds up to a tremendous number of “suitable” matches. Mind you, these are not women I have pursued, these are women who have decided to take a chance and say hello to me in hopes I will respond. All I did was put up a few profiles on free dating sites.
I have easily been on more than a few dozen dates with women I have met through the Internet and I have been in at least four relationships lasting over a year that began from online dating. So, while I may remain hopelessly single, it is certainly not because I can’t get women interested in me. (Obviously, I just can’t keep them interested. Alas.) Regardless, the point here is that I have solid experience in what makes a good dating profile that will attract quality women.
Here are three traits I believe must come through in your successful profile, or you don’t stand a chance.
1. Good Pictures. Women want to know what you look like (and not down there, contrary to some persisting male Neanderthal members of our tribe). Show them. Don’t take stupid selfies, though; take the time to find pictures of you actually out enjoying life. Pay attention to the image you portray with your photo selections. Nothing is going to turn a woman off faster than a picture of you smoking in your wife beater or making an ass of yourself with your friends. Still, you can’t go overboard with pictures of you at suit and tie events if that really isn’t your bag. Try to mix it up a little. Always put up at least four to six, and I would honestly recommend even more. Just make sure they are mostly current, and do your best to not promote images that really aren’t accurate of your lifestyle. If you took a vacation once three years ago, don’t make every picture from that one time you went ballooning or snorkeling. It looks fake. Women want to see some authenticity, without you being crass or juvenile. You can do that, right?
2. Authenticity. I said it about the photos and it really stands true for everything in your profile. Think of it as doing a favor to your prospective mate. After all, you don’t want to discover that her “two story bungalow” really means she sleeps in the attic above a convenience store. Ok, sure, we don’t want to come right out with our flaws, but I can assure you that working to be deceptive in your profile will only make attracting equally deceptive people more likely (or maybe that’s your bag. Ok, lie away, but don’t say you weren’t warned). No, what really works over time is to just be yourself, cliché as it is. Be honest, don’t candy coat it all. If you have a kid, say so. If you’re a homebody, don’t talk about how you love clubbing. If you’re fresh from a divorce, don’t be afraid to say that you haven’t been in the gene pool in some time.
3. Stay Positive. No one gives a damn about your drama. Showing even the slightest sign of drama in your profile is going to cause women to click away faster than cute kittens chase laser lights. While you may have drama in your life, don’t make your profile about anything negative in your life, or be sure to express any negativity as just part of the “shit happens” rule.
Women will be very forgiving of past errors if you are sincere and forthright about them. If you have an issue that can’t be avoided (like being broke or sleeping on your brother’s couch, or not having a car, etc…), make light of it or talk about how it’s teaching you new things. Of course, don’t say you’re sleeping on your brother’s couch. (Though, frankly, if you are, what the hell are you wasting time on dating sites for? Get your shit together first, Holmes. Geez. Players like you need to learn that putting your priorities straight is what keeps you off that couch. Go read something else on this site. You’re not ready to date yet.)
If you’re really trying to be honest without looking pathetic you might say “I am in a transitional period right now and though my resources are meager, my principles are solid”. Women get the hint without being given the full picture much better than us numbskulls. While I really do encourage honesty, positivity may be even more important. You attract what you put out. If you want to meet great women, you need to be a great guy, and you need to make that shine through in your profile.
Listen, let’s just be honest for a minute. We’re not all great guys. We all carry around some crap, some baggage, something that makes us undesirable. What you need to do is accentuate the positive while making certain to be honest about your faults. The closer your profiles reflect who you really are, what you look like and what your values are, the better your success will be.
We’ll take a look at more dating tips in future editions.