It happened. You got over your divorce, met an amazing woman, and things are starting to get serious. Remarriage can be so exciting to think about that you may not stop to ask yourself some critical questions before taking this big step. Maybe you think you have it all figured out because you were married before. And while that may be partly true, there are still eight important things to consider before getting hitched again.
1. What About Having Kids?
Having kids is a huge decision. If one of you wants kids and the other one doesn’t, it should be a deal breaker. It’s something you need to figure out before the two of you tie the knot. Do you already have kids from a former marriage? Does she? If one of you already has kids, you may not want more. Age is a factor too. If you’re older, you may not feel the need to have kids at this stage of your life.
And if you do decide to have kids, how many will you have? Who’s willing to change diapers, and get up in the middle of the night when the baby is crying? Will either of you be a stay-at-home parent? When you’re discussing the topic of kids, get as specific as possible so you’re both aware of each other’s expectations when it comes to having and raising children.
2. Have You Given Yourself Enough Time Before Remarriage?
How long has it been since your previous marriage or last serious relationship? There’s no need to jump into anything too quickly, especially when it comes to remarriage.
Some couples meet and decide they’ve found the one within a few months, but that’s not enough time to deeply know a person and be sure you want to spend the rest of your life with her.
There’s no magical amount of time that will tell you if you’re ready or not, but make sure you’re not just getting married because you’re in the “exciting and new” stage of your relationship when the sex is hot and everything else seems fine and dandy. You need to take your time to find out if you’re ready for remarriage and if she’s the one for you.
3. Do You Live Well Together?
Have you moved in together? How is it to live with her? Do your sleep schedules match? How does she handle cleanliness around the house? Do you give each other enough space? Do either of you have habits that the other one can’t stand? What are her attitudes on pets, guests, chores, and who does the cooking?
These are important things to figure out and discuss before remarriage. Some couples are perfect until they move in together. There are things you can’t know about someone until you live with them, so make sure you know what it’s like to live with her before you tie the knot.
4. Have You Gone Through Hardships Together?
One of the best signs that a relationship will last is if it can make it through a storm. Have you seen her at her best and worst? You need to be able to conquer tough times together and be there for each other when life gets hard, not just when things are good.
You don’t know how someone will deal with a tough situation until it happens, and the way she deals with hard times may not be in a way you’re willing to put up with. Make sure you know if she’ll have your back and whether the two of you can make it through disasters.
5. How Will Finances be Handled?
Money can be a tricky thing to talk about, but suck it up and do it if you’re thinking about marriage. Money issues can cause a lot of conflict and fights, so figure out how the two of you will handle your finances before you tie the knot.
Different people have different spending styles. Will you combine accounts? How does she handle credit? Does she have mountains of debt? What are her opinions on how much money to spend on a house or a car? What about lending money to friends and family, tipping, or how much to give your children? The more you honestly talk about it, the easier it’ll be when you’re married.
6. Do You Get Along with Each Other’s Families?
Whether it’s her kids, or her sisters, brothers, and parents, do you get along well with her family? If you haven’t developed a good relationship with her family, and vice versa, it will affect your life down the road. You don’t have to be the best of friends, but it’s important to at least get along with them. If you’re not willing to deal with her family, or if she’s not making an effort to get along with yours, you have to ask yourself if this is the right relationship for you to be in. They say when you marry a person, you marry their family, so ask yourself if it’s a family you’re willing to put up with for the rest of your life.
7. Do You Share the Same Values?
You don’t have to agree about everything. Opposites often attract when it comes to hobbies, your favorite foods and movies, and even personality traits, but if you don’t share the same core values, it can lead to extreme relationship problems. Before remarriage, make sure you understand what’s most important to her – and what’s not.
If you value honesty and loyalty and she could care less about those things, it’s probably not going to end well. If you’re always giving while she’s more of a taker, look out for trouble ahead. Know your values and know hers, before jumping into marriage.
8. What Happens When You Disagree?
Disagreements are bound to happen, but it’s how you deal with it that indicates the strength of your relationship. Does she always have to be right? Is she willing to listen to the other’s point of view? Or does she ignore what you just said and talk over you? You both need to be able to compromise and realize that it doesn’t have to be your way all the time. A big red flag is if you’re already keeping quiet to avoid arguments. A great marriage doesn’t mean there’s never disagreements; it means that both of you can eventually agree, are willing to face problems rather than ignore them.
Remarriage can be an exciting thing to think about, but don’t let your excitement blind you to important issues that could lead to another divorce. The most important things are that your core values are aligned, you’re on the same page when it comes to finances, and it’s the right time for you to get remarried.