Men, it doesn’t require a great deal of effort to find a reason to bail on our marriages. When the relationship is rocky, It takes hard work to save your marriage. There will be tough times. In fact, there will be downright miserable, overwhelming, terrible times.
In any relationship, there must be a willingness from both parties to seek a peaceful resolution to the differences we face. It’s part of life, and bailing on one marriage because of problems doesn’t promise a peaceful marriage the next time.
This list is certainly not all-inclusive, but it is a good start in finding reasons to save your marriage, even if it seems all hope is lost.
None of us have “it” all together, but being willing to admit when we are wrong, forgive, and love unconditionally is a great place to start.
1. Find the Good in Your Wife
It doesn’t matter if you’ve been married for one day or ten years, or, if your marriage seems to be perfect or you are on the brink of divorce, looking for problems in your wife is the easiest thing you can do. It is the path of least resistance. But, to be honest, this is the case for any relationship we have in life.
What we focus on, what we seek, we will find. It’s a matter of science, and it is a proven fact. It may also be a proven fact your wife is a negative person. I challenge you to find a reason, find the courage, to seek the good in her. It is there even though it may be buried under a mountain of emotion. You will not find it overnight. You will not get her to open up overnight. Start today, be consistent, be authentic, and most of all, be patient with her.
2. You Can Work Through Anything
Most of the things we are no longer willing to work through in our marriage have built up over time. Years and years of refusing to communicate, negative approaches, and hurt. Not just on her part, but on both the parts of husband and wife. We’ve all heard the phrase, “It takes two to tango.” Well, it does, unless you want to look weird doing the tango alone.
First, identify the issue. Second, open the lines of communication with her and when she begins talking, just listen. And, by listening, I mean actively listen. Don’t interrupt. Let her know you are present and listening. If you are both willing (that is a BIG key) you can work through anything.
For a moment, take the option of divorce off the table and see what solutions you have. Approach the situation with an open, positive mind, and be flexible, forgiving, and optimistic.
3. Time to Rekindle the Flame
Most people are not the same. Okay, most women are not the same. They are complex, and if you are reading this, you probably know that to be true. The sexual energy and desires from every woman will differ. What if I told you that you have the power to influence that energy and desire? What if I told you there is a chance, and a really good one at that, to rekindle the flame?
Men, here’s the deal. She most likely wants to connect with you on a deep, emotional level before the physical will even mean anything to her again. Initially, if you have been going through a difficult or tumultuous time in your marriage, she may think you have lost your mind. But, create time to spend together, alone.
Go for a walk, (it sounds cliche, but it works), ask open-ended questions, and be kind. We overcomplicate this stuff, men. The way to a woman’s heart isn’t through her pants, it’s through her heart! Don’t fake it, be real. Be authentic. Here are a few things you can do to start the process of rekindling the romantic flame:
Prepare a meal (or three). I guarantee you her eyes will light up when you do this.
Clean the kitchen: It has been said that the best move a man can make is in the kitchen.
Be a better dad: This is a whole article in and of itself. Focus on being a better dad, serve your wife, and in time, the gap will close.
As you have seen here, nothing I wrote referred to any physical touch. That will follow, if you take time to connect with her emotionally.
4. Restoring Trust is Difficult, Not Impossible
Dealing with broken trust is a difficult and often painful undertaking. If I could sum this tip up in one word it would be: Transparency. You can always find a way to hide your secrets, but this is not the way to restoring trust in a broken relationship.
Take the initiative, if you were the responsible party for breaking the trust, you must offer the transparency, and then, be transparent. Not only when it seems convenient or easy, but absolutely, 100% transparent.
Being secretive, hiding texts, deleting emails, erasing phone numbers, are all a thing of the past. If she’s doing it, she’s wrong. If you’re doing it, you’re wrong. If either of you are unwilling to be totally transparent about your lives with each other, there’s a deeper problem.
Find another man, a mentor, and ask him to help you be accountable for your actions.
Once you and your wife have both agreed to work together to restore the trust in your marriage, be committed to it. Communicate about it.
5. Overcome the Negative Emotions
If your wife is guilty of having an affair, it will take time to get over the negative emotions attached to that event. It may take you years before the affair is discovered. Negative emotions will cause you to say things you will deeply regret in time, so, use caution. Identify those emotions.
There are ways to eliminate the negative, but it all begins with you being willing to let go of them. For the sake of sanity, I will not name all of these emotions, but while you are reading this, it is likely they are coming to your mind.
The Fight to Save Your Marriage Starts Here
We all want to believe we deserve better. While there is some degree of truth to this, selfish desires will cause terrible trouble in our marriages. Be quick to forgive. In fact, be generous with forgiveness.
I have been a husband for nearly two decades now and I can tell you, the number one thing we can do as husbands for consistent and sustainable peace in our marriage is being the first to say, “I am sorry.” Even, yes, even if you are not the guilty one.
Just like finding the bad in your spouse is easy to see when you focus on it, finding a reason for divorce is easy, if that is what you want.
It’s time to find a reason to fight for our marriages. Be the person in your marriage who operates with a willingness to be wrong, stop trying to win, and focus on why you said “I DO” in the first place. The fight to save your marriage starts here, right now, today.
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