Young Boss, what’s holding you back from dating as a single dad? What’s holding you back from coming clean with new women you meet?
Sometimes, since having kids there have been times that I’ve felt like I couldn’t fully express to people that I’m a father. I know this is something that friends of mine have experienced as well.
Even though I am a big part of my children’s lives, support them and take care of them, sometimes, when talking to people I just couldn’t naturally and fluently tell them about my kids in conversation. Especially in a single dad dating situation.
I have put this down to a deep seeded, socially conditioned belief in…
Social stigma and outcome dependence.
The stigma: That all young parents are ‘meant’ to be drop kicks who leech off the system and don’t add anything to society.
Or who can’t be good parents because of a lack of maturity and knowledge, feeding their kids colas in bottles for breakfast.
Whatever the reasons may be…
They are all things created in your own mind.
Those sorts of stereotypes are only true for you if you believe it to be so.
If you believe you can be clumped into these groups then you are imposing limitations and rules on yourself.
I know that you are going to be the kind of Dad that is kicking goals, making the hard decisions and supporting your children in a multitude of ways.
Such is the way of the ‘new age’ father
So next time you get that feeling like something is holding you back, at those moments when kids came up in conversation or people ask what your living situation is, push through the pain and just be open.
It can be hard at first but gets easier with time.
When it comes to being able to tell girls that you have kids, being outcome dependent is what I’ve found to be the biggest sticking point.
Outcome dependence is being worried about what her reaction is going to be and therefore what the outcome of your interaction will be.
Will she run?
Will she go cold?
Will it be weird?
I know, it can be hard to just bring up kids in conversation. As a single dad trying to start dating, it’s even harder.
On the one hand you don’t want to feel like you’re lying to her by holding out such a big piece of information about your life.
But at the same time you don’t want to ‘scare’ her away by telling her straight off the bat that you’re a single dad.
Being in this frame of mind is not the right place to start single dad dating.
Where you must begin is within!
In my experience, the calmer and more at peace you are with your situation, the more likely you are to sub-communicate how relaxed YOU are which will translate into HER being more relaxed too.
In other words, If it is OK with you, then it will be OK with her.
It is always better to be honest and open. Own your situation or it will own you.
Boss Dad Tip: Own your situation or it will own you.
Remember that having kids isn’t what defines you.
There may be some girls who may not want to hang out or date you for the simple fact that you’re a single dad, but it is much better knowing that sooner rather than after you’ve been dating a while and knowing where you both stand.
Don’t apologize for being a single dad!
Ultimately, there needs to be a change in your own confidence in yourself and your life position. Become unapologetic about who you are and where you are at.
When you change your paradigm away from caring about what other people think, it will mean that you are that much more in touch with who you are and what path you are on.
And when it comes time to potentially get into a relationship, you will be that much more rock solid in knowing who you are that it will be a natural progression.
So, when it comes to start dating as a single dad, it’s your perception of your situation that will hold you back, not just the fact that you have kids.
Perception is reality. What is your reality going to be?
Millar is a 26 year old father of three and founder of The Boss Dad Movement, who blogs about what it means to be a young father in this day and age.
Having twins at 19, Millar understands the pressures of fatherhood and aims to help other fathers think about how they can use being a parent to become well rounded men.
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