Congratulations! You’ve met someone. She’s incredibly wonderful. Attractive. Laughs at all your jokes. Even the ones your friends roll their eyes over. Is she really that into you, or are you dating a gold digger?
When you’re in the room, it’s as though no one else exists. She’s everything that you ever dreamed of, a nd more. And yet, something feels off. Not quite right. You wish you could put your finger on it, but even if you could who would you ask?
She take my money when I’m in need
Yeah, she’s a triflin’ friend indeed
Oh, she’s a gold digger
Way over town that digs on m
Kanye West ft. Jamie Foxx (2005)
Seriously. How does anyone who hasn’t dated one know they are involved with a gold digger?
Know What You’re Dealing With
Your friends? They would either tell you you’re imagining things and she’s the best thing that ever happened to you, or to dump her. You don’t really want to hear either. Better to know what you’re dealing with and then make a decision. Your female friends, well, they’re another story. If you tell one, you may as well tell them all as they rush to warn the rest of your tribe to be on high alert on your behalf. Better to decide of your own volition first, rather than taint the proverbial friend waters with your suspicions.
Which is to say, if you prefer privacy but still want to know if you’re dating a gold digger, you’ve come to the right place.
Suspecting You’re Dating a Gold Digger
First off, let’s declare your suspicions. Let’s just say it out loud. Gold. Digger. Now let’s say it together: gold digger. Now let’s look it up. Merriam Webster offers us two definitions, “one who digs for gold” as well as “a person who uses charm to extract money or gifts from others.”
Next, let’s eliminate. Unless her panning kit and sluice boxes just arrived from GoldFeverProspecting.com, we can assume she does not fit the first definition. But what about the second? How does one really know if one is, in fact, dating a gold digger? Let’s look at key areas, and if an alarm goes off in any, just like with a metal detector, it may be worth having a closer look. What you find may be valuable to you, for a number of reasons, in the long run.
Let’s begin by establishing a baseline. In order to be concerned about a gold digger, one must have gold to dig. Firstly, let’s assume you’re an interesting guy with much to offer the right woman. Your attention, your adoration and if so inclined, your financial support. There is cause for concern because you have assets, both emotion and financial, that you would like to remain intact. Or at the very least, shared with a woman who cares about you, for you more than for what you can do for her. Ideally, by a healthy margin.
Can you pay my bills
Can you pay my telephone bills
Can you pay my automo’bills
Then maybe we can chill
Bills, Bills, Bills
Destiny’s Child (1999)
Time for A Gut Check
Does your possible gold digger adore everything you do? As in, everything you do? Is it as though you can do no wrong in her eyes? Zero. Nil. None. Are your responses to simple questions fielded as though you were about to spill the beans on the coordinates of the Fountain of Youth? If you could go so far as to casually mentioned your mother married an axe murderer and she smiles sweetly, sets her chin on her hand and bats her individually-applied eyelash extensions at you as though you had just divulged the cure for cancer… your buzzing metal detector may be trying to tell you something.
Does your alleged gold digger really listen? Is the level of sincerity in her responses remotely on par with the information you’re sharing? It goes without saying you’re a fascinating guy, but are you riveting all of the time? A woman that has ulterior financial motives will go out of her way to ensure that being with her gives you a high, a payoff, quite literally a buy-in. She will make you feel like the epicenter of her universe. Absolutely wonderful if it’s organic. Quite the opposite if by design. Potentially catastrophic if she is looking for financial reward.
The best things in life are free
But you can keep ’em for the birds and bees;
Now give me money, that’s what I want,
Barrett Strong (1959)
Her Status Matters
When dating a potential gold digger, status matters. Initially, yours. A gold digger is looking to elevate her status by her choice in a man. In this case, possibly, in you. This subtlety may be difficult to ascertain at first, especially for the seasoned gold digger who will be adept at adapting to the upward mobility your lifestyle offers. Which is to say she will walk into your world as though she belongs there, and will do her best to cement her place immediately.
A tell-tale sign is her outward displays on social media. Has she made, say, an Instagram for the two you very early on? Does the esthetique appear as though she’s gunning to be a lifestyle brand influencer? Be sponsored by a travel blog? If her photos re ad like an Upscale Collection page with just as many followers, your buzzing metal detector may be trying to tell you something.
‘Cause the boy with the cold hard cash
Is always Mister Right
‘Cause we are living in a material world
And I am a material girl
Eventually, if not sooner, when dating a gold digger the focus will turn to her status. Are you sponsoring her, namely in all things external? Nails, hair, makeup, massages. Obviously, it’s another thing entirely if you’re sponsoring her, internally. After all, self-development, education, things that will improve life for both of you are, well, improving life for both of you. Meanwhile, if what you do is accepted graciously while one eye is perceptibly on the next biggest, brightest and/or newest… take heed. If, over time or sooner, your sense of abundance shifts, the gold digger warning is in full effect, as what you do, who you are, and what you are able or willing to provide will never be enough.
You got to know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ’em.
Know when to walk away, know when to run
You never count your money, when you’re sittin’ at the table.
There’ll be time enough for countin’, when the dealin’s done.
Kenny Rogers (1978)
If You’re Happy and You Know It
When dating a potential gold digger, there are many fa ctors to consider beyond whether or not she ever reaches for her wallet when the check arrives. While her actions matter, so does who she is as a person. Is she contributing to your life? Does her presence bring value? Are you happy? Do you feel supported? It is said that time is money. And such, the money you spend is a representation of yours, especially if you earned it. That said, is she respectful of it? And by proxy, respectful of you? A woman who is with you for you, and not just for what you can do for her will respect both. And others. When all else fails, the ultimate test for a gold digger is how she treats those that are in no position to do anything for her. If she fails that test, you’ll know it’s time to walk away. Or run.